Recovering from Surgery

Someone prayed this over me yesterday and it really hit hard...

People may say things about you but they are feeling in their own insecurities. God is going to remove the cancer out of your life. It is going to hurt. Especially if you didn't deserve it in the first place. Surgery may seem to drain the life out of you, but when God completely pulls the cancer out and closes the wound, you will be all the much better. May God lift your life so high that those who have hurt you will see the light of God from you, and they begin their treatments. Do not be afraid of their wrath, of their judgement, of their actions or words. Do not run away out of fear that they may destroy you. Because in the end. They shall not prosper. You are not to be in this situation because their cancer is getting bad! And you can't be around that if they are not willing in accepting to have surgery of their own. Their cancer is multiplying! That's why they are not surviving! It is then that God will take all blindfolds off. You will be left with a scar. It will represent a medal in which the battle you came through. The accuser of brethren will test you, through people and yourself may do harm. But you will carry this medal with honor! To glorify God Almighty! That even in the darkest time, you shine as bright as the sun!

Humpty Dumpty Sat on a Wall....

No one can really say "I know what you've been through" or "I understand", because you don't. Not even I.

No one truly understands what another feels like. Even if we have gone through the same thing, ex:Divorce,Betrayal,Etc. Maybe there are somethings you can relate to, but you can never fully understand.

All of our experiences are different, even if they seem the same. Let's say,... 2 people have gone through a painful divorce. Well, those 2 individuals experienced something totally different. One may experience hate and agression from fears and feelings they've had from the past. The other might experience shock, abandonment, and total lack of trust.

Other experiences as 2 people who as well might have had to do it all on their own growing up. With both fighting to live. But total different circumstances doing their part to be as an acceptional adult as one could be.

No one can say "I had it harder than you". Because no one knows, but that one person what it feels like to go through every emotion known to man, every second of one's life.

One thing you can say that could be common is... My response. How was my response to the matter. Did I use it for good, or did I use it for bad?

I have not always responded positively. And I still get it wrong. But one thing I can be proud of my Creator for giving me, is that I have the response built deep within myself of "not to give up". And unfortunately, it is too common in todays society to do just the opposite. Faith. ie: 7th dip?

A preachers wife told me not too long ago (not going into details)... but something about "blood". Hmm. God revealed this message to me this morning;

--I sense I spirit of separation. That thou, nor blood, is family? What is unconditional? What is this they speak of, Church Family? Does the not exist?

I'm not even 100% sure what this means yet, but I was influenced from my Father to jot this down.

So one thing I can encourage you of. No matter the circumstance. Set self aside. Allow God to do works through you. Not with just your hands. Allow him to work through every wave inside your head, every nerve. Allow every word you speak, be a song. When good things are done (ex:helping a child) don't take it as someone wants to take over. Take it as someone really loves someone who is a part of you. And yes I do love ALL individuals. ALL mankind!!! Even those who have hurt me. But I am IN love with only One. One that has done no harm to me but Good. -o

Love. It is what counts.

One of those weeks...

It sure has been a roller coaster in the pain department of my heart these past few weeks...

...but I remind myself, who am I to deserve mercy if I don't have any to give? So I've had to change my thinking a little. I am thankful for the Everlasting One who has given me the strength to come up with thoughts that I could not accept as originally my own. For putting me in situations to learn, wether painful, excruciating, or in the simplest of ways... by obeying His command and going to a class when I did NOT want to go to!

I've learned, you can't fix people. As bad as I've always been this way... it is one of my best qualities,.. but in times like these, can be my worst. Sometimes, it's just not my place to fix. In trying to do so, I became the problem. I've just got to learn what is okay to fix and what's not okay to fix, in this thing we call life.

Expect me to not get everything right. Expect me to not be perfect. Expect me to fail you on occasion. Expect me to cry on your shoulders when I feel pain. Expect me have your back when someone does you wrong. Expect me to listen carefully over the years, and get some valid information mixed up. Expect that when you make me laugh with a mouth full of lemon-aid, that you probably will be soaked. Expect me to be there in all ways I can, but as well expect me to fail at times when I didn't recognize I needed to pull away. Expect me to always love you.

He never committed a crime. The crime existed within their own heads.

John 15 - 18"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. 20Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.'[b] If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. 21They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me. 22If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin. Now, however, they have no excuse for their sin. 23He who hates me hates my Father as well. 24If I had not done among them what no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin. But now they have seen these miracles, and yet they have hated both me and my Father. 25But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: 'They hated me without reason.

Then they took everything from Him. But He ended up with so much more.

Believe

When we believe, do we ever fully give our undivided attention to believe? Do we believe only during those times when we got our way and then we take advantage of that belief just to put it aside again?

Are we such people to give up in an instant?

Even if people give up on ME, does that make it right to give up on those around me...?

I have been let down time and time again... but I will not give up. And most importantly, I will love my enemies as God has asked of me. Those ones,... I adore the most. Because they make me stronger. And as I stay faithful even during times when stones are thrown,... I will still be there. Always.

Because that is what God wants of me.

Dear God. I prayed and prayed and prayed. But I WILL continue to "dip" till I hit the 7th. I will not give up. I have faith.

You would think as the saying goes... "time heals all wounds", that this would be accurate.

But why does it seem that the wound would only be closed is if the knife was re-entered into the opening that never closed. And just.... left there, for the one particular stronghold to mend it slowly back together.

Maybe time does heal... maybe the deepest desires of my heart still exsist 3 years ago. Maybe there are unanswered questions as to why things happened the way they did. But conversations as to which they would be maturely resolved, rebuilt, and strengthened to strongest of structures. To the strongest of foundations. To where absolutely not even the faintest of fears or concerns could ever enter again.

Maybe it's just a girls dream. A girls fairy-tale. A girls fantasy.

This would be mine.

Maybe one day. He will come home.

conquered my biggest fear

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