Spoken for

So crazy the turns life can take. Would I ever thought I would be here? No.

I knew all my life that I wanted to settle down. Get married. Have a family.

It did happen. Yes. But no quite in that order.

I had an incredible marriage (or at least I thought), with a husband whom lost his love, that turned very cold, bitter, and dark within days before he left. I really don't know if it was truly a phase, or maybe that was who he was all along. I mean, we only knew eachother seriously 1 year and 3 months before he left.

So that was hard to go through. And because I trusted someone that did such damage,... I have found myself in an unwanted place.

I love people. So so very much. I adore the time I spend with my friends. There is just one problem. I don't think I have ever been so scared to talk to guys in my life. Ever!

In my heart, I know I want to get to know and understand the opposite sex,... but as soon as I attempt it, I find myself losing eye communication. I can't look them in the eye, and I'm not sure the reason. Maybe because I don't want them to have my trust. Because once their in... my heart is on the line.

I know that what I am interested in... I have not found.

Someone that calls often. Communicates well. Is funny. Hillarious even. Not afraid to be ashamed of past things. To be broken. Oh goodness, to have LOVE like I've never seen for the Lord would be A May Zing!!! Not afraid to do new things. Loves music. The list can go on and on.

But even as I desire these things in my heart... I believe I'm still not ready.

I really enjoy being a single mom. I spend so much time with the chief. My job is more then I could ever ask for. I love the Metro kids. For the first time, I get to be not just a part of Lakeview Camp, but a Camp Counselor. I couldn't be more pumped. My days are orderly. And right now, I couldn't imagine having something changing up that order. Selfish it may seem. But for the first time in my life I've ever been alone, it feels good not having to tell someone where I'm going. Be afraid that if you do something wrong, their going to make sure and tell you. Do this, do that. Then say you never did anything.

I know what I do. Daily. I love what I do. Daily. I am valued. And I don't need anyone to tell me that. I don't need anyone to tell me "Hey, you did a good job on _____." I know I did. I don't have to have a big arms to move a fridge, or to hook up a hose, or to change a 150 gallon tank, or put a 70 lb Christmas tree in the attic, or to take care of a 9 year old, to make breakfast lunch and dinner, to go to baseball practices, to go to the gym, to fill up my tank, to change my oil, to pay my bills. I got it thank you.

It's all just so consistent. My focus is on my son, his grades, his basecall, football, triathlons, his guitar lessons, his church musicals, and his kind heart.
Then church, my job, camps, athletic events, camps, etc.
Someone would have to be pretty darn amazing to enter this life of mine and Dillons.

Wow! Like... AMAZING! lol