Sooooooooooooooo much..... 7 Weeks Post Accident

Alright.... so what I am about to post is something that I've wondered wether I should even post or not. As you guys know, I love to write. I write a lot. I'd rather write in this blog, but as you guys have known... the truth written and really turn on you by the wicked. Sooo, here goes.

As you know, I was in a car accident. Broke my neck. And have been living under care of a church family for 7 weeks this Friday.

This family, I always looked up to. Always strived to be like them. Admired their marriage. How strong they were, and how perfectly they fit together.

7 weeks have passed, and things have not been the way they appear. Its funny because I have seen this before. People so powerful, so strong... so "committed" to actually be so much more fallen apart when you get to really truly know them.

I was on strict bed rest for 4 weeks, so I only started to REALLY get to know them around that time.

Now I know not all marriages are perfect. But something I can say positively... I am amazed that they have stuck it through for 13 years.

The last 3 weeks have been so stressful, and because it is so intense, I cannot commute this with them. All my energy has been going to the stress they ( well it's only one of them ) have been giving off, and not to my healing. Which really sucks, and I believe why I have been hurting a bit more now then usual.

She has become beyond jealous of me (which I can't stand)... She wakes up late, get's mad at me for making their kids breakfast, and even more upset when their kids ask me to do things with them... such as paint the girls nails or take both the boy and girl swimming.

Since I have been here for 7 weeks, I have only seen her put them to bed. Not much else at all. Although she does clean. I do the dishes in the evening and put them up in the morning (which is my usual routine at home). She does wash loads of clothes. Like, a day. I definately give her credit. And I have asked her of she needs help. She says no... so I just jump in anyways and fold the clothes when I see them just sitting there.

There is sooooo much more to it.

There was a discussion and she said she bends over backwards for everyone. By the level of intensity and afraid of such reaction, no one said a word.

Her husband took up for me (although it wasn't at that moment, everyone knew that things needed to be a rest for a little while). He's a very level headed guy who isn't praised for many things I've seen, who isn't trusted,.. and man that sucks.

Anyways, I am venting a bit right now. Because this is the only place I can "get away" and express my inner most feelings.

I just can't believe that someone would say they bend over backwards (when indeed they have no a clue of their surroundings and what others and bent over backwards for), and not even think for a second that the person they said this to... was the person that they "welcomed" in this house to take care of, when daily I feel like a babysitter.... UNTIL...

...I started getting love from their kids that she was not recieving because her lack of energy with them. So... I do give her props.... and although there IS tention, and she has become overly jealous... She HAS stepped up.

She fed them breakfast this morning.

I remember when I "moved in" that she mentioned they didn't even eat breakfast. I have seen them grab one of those kid bags of cheetos and eat one for breakfast. Mostly something of that nature. There has been complaints that they never have gone through so much milk until I came in the picture. I mean, I do understand there are 2 extra mouths in the household. But, hmm.

Same as when I used to tuck them in.... the girls loves that I give her a million kisses on her face. The boy loves that I wrap him up and call him my bean burrito. I guess they were enjoying it so much that the Mother no longer allows me in their room to tuck them in.

Anyways... I am a wee bit homesick. I am looking forward to this Friday. Yet another xray. And I get to find out if this neck brace is coming off. And then... my therapy begins... BUT... I'll be home.

After the ex, I have rethought marriage, and have really been focusing on myself, and have been praying about adoption. I have a strong tug at my heart to foster.

...but especially after these past 7 weeks... I'm not too sure if marriage is for me. I know my decision should not be based upon being scared out of my witts!!! But... that's exactly why I do feel that way now. Just being honest.


If you have taken the time to read all of this, thanks. =) I'm going to close for now and read my new books... One of which...

"Rose Book of Bible Charts, Maps & Time Lines"


Okay I'm back. I want to add a couple of more things. Just to vent.

So their mom isn't here. I tucked them in. Had some laughs with the boy, then tucked the girl in.... She first began by saying " Now my mommy says that you can't give me as many kisses because you need to same some for her." So I just let her talk her little heart out... She then says "Mommy says were going to Hurricane Harbor this Friday and she wants it to be just the 4 of us, and Baylie, Aunt Lauren, & Uncle Nate".

Just upsetting is all. For such a christian woman who sings on the platform at church to be so cruel and jealous because unfortunately to her, I have all the attention from.... well, everyone in the household, is unreal. She'll be in my prayers.

Love,
Julie