365 Days ago today...

May 7, 2010. This would be the first day since the divorce that I attempted to go out.
A friend of mine at the time, Jen, got a babysitter for both of our boys who were about the same age, and headed towards downtown to endulge in some Simply Fondue. The sun just began to go down when we left the house. We were on Jacksboro Hwy headed East, in which turns into Henderson when you cross the bridge.

Right where Henderson and Weatherford meet, Jen throws her right arm in front of me (as mothers do without quick thinking) and yells "They're not stopping!" We were almost out of the intersection. As soon as I looked up I saw I flash of headlights as the car slams my side of the vehicle. We flipped 3 times into oncoming traffic and the white SUV landed upside down. I remember the flipping. It went by so quickly. I mainly remember after the flipping of the vehicle had ended. I was laying in fetal positon in my dress with my left elbow by my head bent to where my left hand was touching my shoulder, and my right arm right next to my head but not bent, straight out. I remember the lack of strength I had, but I didn't hurt. I know I was kneeling on glass, but that didn't seem to hurt so bad. I had so much adrenaline that I'm so surprised I didn't quite feel much pain. But I knew something was wrong just because of the lack of strength I had. I did not move. A bystandard tried pulling on my arm. I couldn't talk very loud because even the movement of my jaw was so weak. (((Please, if you are a bystandard at all... I BEG you not to touch anyone...))) If she would have pulled any harder on me, who knows what more could have been injured. I hear Jen outside of the car screaming my name and crying, just completely in shock she was. I couldn't move not even a finger so I could only imagine what was going through her head.

When the firefighters came in with the jaws of life... they were asking me questions. With my face planted in the ceiling of the car, all I could say is tell Jen to take pictures. Repetitively. She found my phone in the mess and took pictures. EMS put a neck brace on me and gently turned me over and onto the stretcher. I don't remember seeing anything from that point. I just could hear it all. I also remember that in the Ambulance that each time they slowed down and sped up that the skin on the back of my head hurt so bad when it moved back and forth from the pressure of my head on the bed, being taped to the stretcher.

I knew at that moment I must have hit my head pretty hard. During the roll, my seatbelt had come undone and the airbags didn't go off, so I could have only guessed that the hit was harder then I thought. But I don't ever remember blacking out.

Harris Hospital. XRays, MRIs, and CAT Scans were completed by around 4 am, I believe. The Doctor comes in with the results. Not thinking anything but massive bruising or something. I had no clue.

Doctors exact words (as I lay there hoping for the best) All within basically the same tone of voice. "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, you're going to be okay. The bad news is, you broke your neck." Nonchalantly. I broke down in tears, and at that very moment is when I felt the pain. The pressure on my neck from crying, you'd never think the muscles that you really use on a daily basis!

A lot of people came to visit,... some of which I cannot quite remember, but this is what I do:
Katie & David Roberts
Melinda & Scott Atwood
Kelly and Tommy Broome
Laura Haptonstall & Matt Miller (which are now married)
Conna & Rick Beebe
Buddy & Ruth Calzada
Nate & Lauren Calzada
Joe Walker
I know there were many more, and I am so sorry I cannot finish the list. No excuses, lol, but I was on heavy medications, so I hope you understand. But if you were there, I really would love for you to refresh my memory. And I want to add your name to this list.

I was in and out of sleep but was released on Mothers Day.
From that moment on, it felt like the world spiraled out of control.
And in so many ways, I felt like everything that occurred from that moment forward would only hinder my relationship with God.

It took a long time, a lot of heart ache, a lot of lies, a lot of gossip, a lot of back stabbing, for me to finally say to heck with this, my God is so much more important then $ or status, or deeds.

The one thing I used to say before the accident, and caught myself saying last week:

"I'm just me"

And I am very happy with the way things are right now, minus some minor changes in depleting my friend list a little. But when you have to move of and "cut" ties... it hurts, but someones got to do it!

This life is all about love. And if people are going to be too selfish to love or lack self esteem to think I am "competing", then I'd rather just delete and make it easier on the both of us. Most importantly, that first part.

Here ya go... I am me. I am only in competition with myself. On a daily basis I try to be a better person. I put a lot of work into this girl "Julie". And God is the only one who repeatedly gives me a push with my first breath each and every single morning. And that's what really keeps me going up! I am a helper. And if I could study right now, all day long to help someone in a 5 minutes conversation, 10 years from now, I will do that. It's not to show off. I'm allowed to be proud of the capabilities that God has blessed me with. That my friend.. being Common sense.

I broke my neck in the same spot as Christopher Reeve. But the only difference, is that the break was simply a hairline away from the nerve. Why am I here? I don't have the answer to that, but I do know one thing.... something very very VERY big is in my future. Just wish I could have shared it with all individuals of my past.

You're homework:

...Believe in someone.