Friendship

I have not been able to express this like others, but I think I might have figured it out.

I think I figured out friendship. Sometimes I hate giving sooo much!

I'm not the kind of person that calls myself "too nice." There's no such thing. I do give "too much" though, and Jimmy says I need to stop, because it's hurting me deep inside! He is the only one that I know of that completely understands because he has been there himself. I've not known another like this. But he understands it better, and doesn't "put himself out there" like I do. I've got to figure this out!!!

Even though these people are all really nice in their own ways, if each one had the opportunity to take advantage or freeload off of someone, they would do it.

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***I call you too much to see how you're doing. I don't give you a chance to persue it.
***I'm okay with changing my plans for you, at any time of the day.
***I'm okay with going out of my way, that the very very few times I see you, I'm giving you a free service.
***I text you "Happy Birthday" and "Merry Christmas" and the next time I hear from you, it's only to stay at my house in town because you're picking up your boyfriend from the airport the following day.
***I'm okay to drop EVERYTHING, because you finally have time for me.
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I don't like being taken advantage of. I give, and I give and I will continue to give, but a friendship is valuable, it has to be earned, and not just given away the way I have been. I am valuable. I give 100% in friendships, I'll always be there BUT YOU HAVE TO EARN IT!

I can't make myself convenient all the time for everyone, for any God given second anymore.

I can't just put myself out there. And wait.

Friendships will all come to and end at some point, some sooner, some later.

I hope I don't disappoint them, but I know at some point they might disappoint me.

This time, I'll put one foot in front of the other.