The World That Lost A Girl

For some reason I just can't shake it. It doesn't matter what I do, or how busy I keep myself... the lack of trust from all individuals still resides deep deep within my heart. I've been abandoned more than once. More than twice. More than three times. I have been hurt with words. Hurt with actions. And pushed away by many from the sources of each story.

I don't understand, and maybe I will never. But I can't grasp how this one girl who loves the world so much, can be made out to be all these different things and so much more!

All I needed was family. All I needed were friends. All I needed was a life full of people I can love. And that would love me. And this world has failed me. And when I simply grasp on to the very little I find, it bites me so hard it's unreal. Every. Single. Time.

Over this past year has been hard. A lot harder then most people know. Since I can't express myself to a soul 'cause I feel like my life just gets twisted to the point where I suffocate. I feel like my "all" which I've never given up, is slowly slipping out of the palm of my hands.

I don't understand how so many people of my past years have thought of all these things that my mind was clearly incapable of producing.

And like a dolphin being thrown into a sea full of angry sharks, I feel like I've just been shredded to pieces and I don't know how to put those pieces back together. No matter how hard I try. No matter how many self help books I read. No matter how many sermons I hear from the comfort of my own home, cause one thing for sure, I'm not comfortable with devoting not even a full 1% of investment into any place where I'll be judged and condemned for things that's not even in my own heart.

I'm so broken. And I have lost the desire to get to know anyone on a personal level anymore. And if you have ever previously known me... this is not the way "Julie" works. Julie is a girl who is so happy go lucky. A girl that nothing can stop her happiness. That is so free from all the worlds imprisonment. A girl that loves at no end!

6 months ago, was that tiny straw that blew in the wind, fell on a camel, and broke its back.

The world is slowly losing this passionate undying loving girl.

I have nothing left to give.