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When they
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
When they get to have a mom and dad
I had neighbors that substituted as that
When they got to have grandma and grandpa
I got to hear stories of everything I got to miss out on
When they got to have childhood family trips
I got to mow 8 acres with a push lawn mower
When they got to hear from their daddy how beautiful they are
I got to hear how worthless and a mistake I was
When they got to have their mom sit on their bed and have the big sex conversation
I was already pregnant by rape
When they got to experience giving birth next to the person they loved
I gave birth alone by emergency c section
When they got to start finding a forever mate
No one wanted a young woman with a child. They wanted their own family.
When they were happy making families
My new husband, a firefighter/pastors son began abusing my son
When they were too scared to ask me how I was coping
I was crying in my bed alone that God would take my life after he filed for divorce and they took my son
While he was lifted up because of power
A single mom with no power is pushed down
When they had 2 incomes
I had one. A very little one.
When you need help
They say "I'll pray for you"
When everyone goes on vacations and trips and buying lavish things,
Some days,... You just wonder how you got set up in this position that you're fighting day by day to see the brighter picture of life.
When everyone seems to have all this extra time for family and trusting friends,
You're exhausted from 22 credit school hours TRYING so hard to better yourself, taking care of an 11 year old boy alone, not having family, working as often as possible, baseball practices and games, entertaining the boy, Drs visits, grocery shopping, cooking meals, preparing lunches, mowing the lawn, doing laundry, cleaning, working on the car, fixing broken appliances, paying bills, trying so hard to get back in shape with very little time you have, getting to bed around 3am, waking up at 6am, sleeping alone.
Dreams do come true. And I KNOW all of this hard work will pay off indefinitely! I know by being faithful, committed, and not giving up, my dreams WILL make reality. Sometimes it is a little overwhelming,... but if I take a step back and look at the whole picture... I remember how much I like challenges!
I had neighbors that substituted as that
When they got to have grandma and grandpa
I got to hear stories of everything I got to miss out on
When they got to have childhood family trips
I got to mow 8 acres with a push lawn mower
When they got to hear from their daddy how beautiful they are
I got to hear how worthless and a mistake I was
When they got to have their mom sit on their bed and have the big sex conversation
I was already pregnant by rape
When they got to experience giving birth next to the person they loved
I gave birth alone by emergency c section
When they got to start finding a forever mate
No one wanted a young woman with a child. They wanted their own family.
When they were happy making families
My new husband, a firefighter/pastors son began abusing my son
When they were too scared to ask me how I was coping
I was crying in my bed alone that God would take my life after he filed for divorce and they took my son
While he was lifted up because of power
A single mom with no power is pushed down
When they had 2 incomes
I had one. A very little one.
When you need help
They say "I'll pray for you"
When everyone goes on vacations and trips and buying lavish things,
Some days,... You just wonder how you got set up in this position that you're fighting day by day to see the brighter picture of life.
When everyone seems to have all this extra time for family and trusting friends,
You're exhausted from 22 credit school hours TRYING so hard to better yourself, taking care of an 11 year old boy alone, not having family, working as often as possible, baseball practices and games, entertaining the boy, Drs visits, grocery shopping, cooking meals, preparing lunches, mowing the lawn, doing laundry, cleaning, working on the car, fixing broken appliances, paying bills, trying so hard to get back in shape with very little time you have, getting to bed around 3am, waking up at 6am, sleeping alone.
Dreams do come true. And I KNOW all of this hard work will pay off indefinitely! I know by being faithful, committed, and not giving up, my dreams WILL make reality. Sometimes it is a little overwhelming,... but if I take a step back and look at the whole picture... I remember how much I like challenges!
The World from my Vision is Infected.
I will never be dependent on someone filling my life with additional happiness. I'm much better off,... alone.
Only pain has ever come from any relationship I've ever known.
Time will pass, as I progress, to advance in stages that surpass their best.
I will fly, I will sing, I will give my life to the world, and do everything.
I cannot begin to express pain I've lived, and the list of sins that I've sinned.
Broken is such a pleasant word compared all to which I've endured.
Most days I feel so strong, very few days I feel so weak,
I will stay strong through EVERYTHING that's gone wrong this entire week.
Just a silly little song, that popped up on my iPod,
Reminding me of people that I've allowed to rip pieces of my heart, which I pretend has not fallen apart.
I'm not sure why God has called this girl who wants to love someone so bad,
to people who'd do everything they can to take the very little bit I had left.
Closing this with just enough love to bare in this busy city,
Knowing there will never be one that I can lean on, but so many can lean on me.
Sometimes life doesn't seem fair. Ever.
Only pain has ever come from any relationship I've ever known.
Time will pass, as I progress, to advance in stages that surpass their best.
I will fly, I will sing, I will give my life to the world, and do everything.
I cannot begin to express pain I've lived, and the list of sins that I've sinned.
Broken is such a pleasant word compared all to which I've endured.
Most days I feel so strong, very few days I feel so weak,
I will stay strong through EVERYTHING that's gone wrong this entire week.
Just a silly little song, that popped up on my iPod,
Reminding me of people that I've allowed to rip pieces of my heart, which I pretend has not fallen apart.
I'm not sure why God has called this girl who wants to love someone so bad,
to people who'd do everything they can to take the very little bit I had left.
Closing this with just enough love to bare in this busy city,
Knowing there will never be one that I can lean on, but so many can lean on me.
Sometimes life doesn't seem fair. Ever.
Texas Tornado(s)
Had a slightly busy and chaotic day in North Texas today. All the text messages were heart felt. Thank you guys. Though they cracked me up at the same time. While receiving messages like "Are you taking cover?" and "You better be in the basement of that school you're in!" I kindly responded with,...
"Nope. On the balcony." and an attached picture.
Minutes later,... 10 different tornadoes were spotted throughout the metroplex.
I gotta say. I am a thrill seeker and would love to have been the one who shot this video! Sure wasn't far!
"Nope. On the balcony." and an attached picture.
Minutes later,... 10 different tornadoes were spotted throughout the metroplex.
I gotta say. I am a thrill seeker and would love to have been the one who shot this video! Sure wasn't far!
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About Me
- Jules
- This story is about a girl that loves LOVE! Where would we be without it? I love Jesus. I love Dillon. I love dancing. I love the stars. I love singing. I love makeup & stilettos. I love fashion. I love to cook. I love photography. I love cycling, running, swimming, hiking, checking facebook friend status updates, jumping on the trampoline, going to church,I love connecting with other women who have encountered pain as I had, volunteering, watching movies, planting flowers, drawing, sewing, scrapbooking, Versa Spa, Vita-C Serum, Black finger nail polish, perfecting things. I love being totally RaNdOm! TRAVELING!!! I love sinners. I love nonbelievers. Oh the joy it brings inside this heart of mine the reaction they're going to have when they see Jesus face to face! What a party we'll have!
