Honest w/ Myself

Sometimes being honest with yourself is hard to do.

I can honestly say I've spent quality time with myself. Taken myself on dates. Appreciating me. And facing my feelings of things that have occurred in this life of mine.

Sometimes you want to move ahead. Forget what has happened. Be done with it. Start brand new. Be a new you.

Yes, it may seem like my emotions towards the divorce has dragged out for quite some time. I've been facing every emotion, every tear, embracing every hug, every prayer, on a daily basis since February 26th. I'm not a cheater, and although I've been physically cheated on... I will not emotionally, which is why I cannot give any part of me to another man for some time. I would cheat him out of all that I could give. And I just need that time to be only "me". And of course with my amazing Dillon, my son.

Things are going to be fun, just he and I for awhile. I wouldn't be bothered if it were forever. But I do know one day he will move on. Marry. Have a wife and maybe children. Oh goodness! I'm only 27, let's talk about something else!

So, just remember... there is absolutely nothing better then to be honest with yourself. No matter how long it can possibly take. I'm not going to cheat my one day most amazing husband in the whole world out of something that belongs to him. He deserves me as whole. And I am still healing.

Sheesh, this wound is deeper then I ever thought were possible! That doesn't mean every day has been excruciating. I've had an incredible time too. I just know the right moments to be able to reflect back on what has happened and properly emotionally deal with it.

So, if you're reading this, and struggling with loneliness... just remember you are beautiful. I think you are. Most importantly God thinks you are. You may have come across this blog from the other side of the world, but at this very moment that you're taking a breath... I'm taking one too. That is the closest I can get to giving you a hug.



PS. It's okay to have those feelings. It's normal. We all have them. Just know who truly makes you complete as you are. No one else does. You are beautiful as you are.