Over 5 hours! Phew!

So it took my over 5 hours to hack into all my accounts! But I finally configured them! Yay!
All my passwords had been changed, but now it's back to normal. It took long enough!.. and I never want to go through that headache again, but I did it!

So now that it's midnight, 2 hours passed my bedtime, I'm finally going to shut the computer off and lay my head on my pillow and hold the teddy bear that Dillon held tight while he was here and fall fast asleep.

Tomorrow is a new day. A new chapter.
And it's supposed to rain.
Not a bad thing at all! It means good luck, from what I hear, in Italy.

Letting go was hard. WOW was it hard! But I see that it wasn't right for me in particular situations. I am blessed to how the Lord works in such mysterious way. Sometimes painful, but I know it's because he loves me and is getting me ready!
What it might be, I don't know. But I'm sure excited!

I was moving backwards, but now I'm moving forwards.

Thank you to my wonderful and loyal friends, who have been there all the way with all of this.

Heidi, for being there, encouraging me, not judging, for being such a beautiful friend. You are one in a million.

Cinty, maybe I should say 2 in a million. You me and Heidi could be like peas in a pod. You're love is endless and you have ALWAYS been there for me. You have gone far beyond out of your way to help me with such things as thing password deal and checking on licensing hours for Cali!
I'm really looking forward to moving there! You two are commited! I admire that about the both of you!!!!!

Emily, you have always been there, even when I pushed you away your prayers have been heard. Thank you so much for your encouragement! I love you so much. And new baby Caram is going to be the best addition ever. I pray for his/her complete health!

Stacey, you have welcomed me into your house during this painful trial. You have eased my mind with your sense of creativeness! I love that we were sewing up a storm. You are doing so good with the backpack, and I could have never made that teddy bear as good if it werent for you. I'm still on for the dancing session.

Stacy, my sister, I love you so much. If it werent for this tragedy, I don't know where we would stand. But I am grateful because I have my sister back! I love you and alway will. I miss those time you would pick me up from school, and you were the one to make sure my report card was signed and my homework was done. I love you and I could never ask for a better sister.

Mom, even you have been an encouragement. You have called me every single morning. Always at the same time on my way to school. I can't tell you how much that means to me! I love you with all my heart, and if I had all the money in the world, I'd get you a house and everything else you needed because you deserve to be pampered. One day mom, I promise I'll be there to make your dreams into a reality.

Kelly, you never stop caring! You are always there to lend a hug and listen to everything that's going on. I love you so much bestie. You are an amazingly smart girl! And I can't wait to see you conquer all your dreams!

Noel, Thank you for inviting me out everytime. Thank you for being there and understanding the situation, because you can relate to it. You are a great friend and I'm looking forward to hanging out many many more times! 2 times this week, not so bad of a start!

Vesta, my precious Vesta. Although you don't have a blogger or myspace or anything really, I still had to put you on here to say thank you for all of your prayers. You are such a prayer warrior! You are my mentor!!!

Pastor Ron, wow, what would I do without your counsel? It has helped me in so many ways. I know it will take several sessions to get me completely there, but I look forward to every session. Halfway through the week, I'm asking if it Monday yet for yet another session!

Mrs. Pickens, The list could go on! You have been there from day one! From the moment I was 100% happy in my marriage, all bragging about him and stuff... now to this. You have become a second mom to me. You are knowlegable about SO MANY diffrent things! Thank you for everything, I mean EVERYTHING you have done for me!

Mrs. Beggs, Holy Moly!!! PRAYER WARRIOR!!!!! All I have to say is I LOVE YOU TO DEATH!!!! You run the business better then anyone could! It can be challenging, and for as much as you go through DAILY... I don't know how you do it! I love you.

Ron Taylor, Thank you so much for encouraging me each morning. You have prayed for me and I am truly blessed. I have prayed for you as well. I can't say thank you enough.

Cindy Johnston, words can't describe how much you mean to me. Through all your hard work in the church, you're still there for me in every way. I love you, and it will be payed forward. You have planted seeds I'm starting to see grow.

BRING ON THE RAIN!!!

To more outstanding friends that I love dearly!!! I couldn't have done it without you.

Candace and Ross
Helen
Lennell
Ines
Alyssa
Chanel
Alexis from CSA
Robby
Joni
Valerie
Stephanie
Stephanie Day
Annette
Andi
Amanda
Michelle
CloAnn

And most importantly... God!

I love you all!

Nothing to say

Really... I have nothing else to say.

You've been served

Even through the pain, or pain I've encountered, I still find a way to trust.
"Can you be at the house tomorrow right after school? I might need to bring some more stuff by?"

I'm still taking this with a smile on my face, a smile provided by God. Because I know, I know, I KNOW this is just something I have to face in order to grow and get ready for something bigger, something better!
Do I forgive you? Of course! And because of God, never will I have the thought of this again. It's been forgiven. It's in the past. It's a decision. Wether right, or wrong. It's not my place anymore.


This is the actions when things are thought out. And not spiritually thought out.
But it's okay. Because I can see. I see hope. I see love. I am whole. I have not had the opportunity to be part of this decision making. But again, it's okay. I have dealt with it and couldn't have done it if God weren't by my side. He knows my heart.

You can get put in situations that you desire. You fall... hard.
Madly, deeply, crazy in love.
Your prayers have been answered.
Smiles, laughs, giggles, tickles, hugs, kisses, strength.
Things that have been forgotten by your forever.
love.

What happens when they fall apart.
When they quickly dissapear.
When your desires and dreams of one life love have been shattered.
When thoughts not of God came in place.
This is no game. There are 2 hearts involved.
Devil, you are not welcome here.

But,
You trust. Have faith. Continue to love. Learn from your mistakes. Let go.


I have given this all to ther Lord.
I will not let the devil defeat me.
I will stand strong. Love for God alone. Continue eating healthy. Look beautiful every single day. Workout consistantly. Submit all of me, words and actions to God. If it's not from God, shall I shut my mouth, shall I be still and pray for the right answers. Give 100% at school. Give 100% at work. Focus on each second, nothing before, nothing after. This is a lesson learned and God is my witness, I have more to give than ever before.

I have not given up. I never will.
My love remains, just 10 x's more of it.


Dear Jimmy,
I'm praying for you. Each and every day. I understand you weren't completely over your last divorce. It takes 1 year to every 4 years to get over her. That's almost 2 years. We married not even a year after your divorce.
My heart is involved, and I said "I do". Vows before God. I'm not asking you for anything at all, this is what you desire, and all I want is what makes you happy. I desire to see you happy. My love for you will continue until I'm laid to rest. May God bring peace within you. May He love you and hold you tight. May He repair you inside and out. I pray your complete healing from the last divorce, and I pray you find truth with this one.
Your tears show you still love me. And guess what? I still love you too.
Just know, that anytime you need me. If you need a hand to hold. If you're going through something that you need someones touch. My hands are here, but I cannot reach out to you. Stretch your arms out, and I'll be there.
Promise.

My heart is fireproof,
Julie Hayward

Finding me

Today I met Deidra Nylynn. She is known for her passion in makeup applications for famous faces. For example Dolly Pardon & Wynonna Judd, and not including how she even started in the industry as a makeup artist for the series of "Dallas". She as well has her own products out, including makeup.

I got to spend about an hour alone with her today just talking. About everything! She told me the places which would be great to start out. She could see the desire in my eyes. I was soakin' this all in!

First stop... Las Colinas.
The 3rd Largest Film Industry business in the Nation. Yay!

Next stop... a product distribution company off I35.
Oh, why does everything have to be so close! Trust me, I'm not complaining!

Thanks to my husband, I have become familiar with alot of ingredients! Which explains why I'm Vegan. Would I have gotten this far without him? Probably. Would I have done it within only a year period of time? Probably not. No, most definately not.

I'm thankful for the year I had and the knowledge I've gained. In many, many different aspects.

Another note... Clientel is picking up! I've been over-booked the entire week! Again, I'm so not complaining! I've met so many incredible people this week alone! God has some big things planned ahead. It had to take a couple of tragedys to figure that my life needed to make some changes, but He works in mysterious ways. And I'm very very very blessed.

Love Dare

So I stopped by Lifeway Christian Stores today and bought these "Love Dare Cards".

I initially wasn't going to buy them, until I asked the girl behind the register if I could open one to read a couple of cards. She politely said "Sure!" So I did.

The very first card... "Dare 1" caught my attention.

We're all in relationships, wether intimate or not, I thought this would be good enough to share with everyday people living everyday ordinary lives.


Dare 1:
The first part of this dare is simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.
"The Love Dare"


I second that. Tomorrow is my day 1, dare 1. ;)
This is from a girl with expertise in regretting words that have been spoken, so trust me please when I say... take this little bit of advise, and cherish it with your entire heart.

Press on

The words of the wise... "Press on"

During this journey, the construction on this gravel road, there will eventually be pavement. I can't quite see where the road gets smoother, but I know it's near. It may take me 1000 miles to get there, but it may also only take 10. But either way, the road I'm on right now should be a blessing. Who else gets to see all these thousands of stones? Who else gets to feel all these thousands of bumbs? Nevertheless, I've come to accept what is laid in front of me. Wether I like it or not. ~Julie


No one can determine who I can be.
My past can't determine who I want to be, who I desire to be.

I've got to be strong for myself, before I'm strong for anyone else.

Focus on becoming whole.
Because now, I am broken.
No one can fill that void in my life.

Submit my words to the Lord.
When emotions are present, Trust in the Lord, and submit yourself and your words to Him.
Desire to be submissive in all things.



I saw Jimmy today, and seen that it has not only taken a toll on my life but on his as well. He had lost alot of weight and was more pale then I ever had seen him.
The mind plays tricks on you. The whole time my thoughts made up these stories that he was living a high life since he's been gone.
Today proved me wrong.


So today, as I continue this life-long journey on this gravel road, maybe I'll stop here and there to pick up a couple of stones. Keep them in my back pocket, to look back and just to remember how far I've come.

Funeral

As some things we don't understand in the bible, nor might you this.

My love has died. I visited his funeral today.
I lay him to rest with prayers and blessings upon him.
May Heaven be present in his life, may we rejoice in his happiness.
Lord, heal my heart from the death of my husband.
May I carry his love and his name and show his teachings to the world.
May your wisdom, strength and love shine through me.
May it blossom and bloom of the things I've learned and forget and rebuke the things that were before him.
As I grow from this experience, allow me to shine for you,
To grow, and be the best mother as my baby sees the light in me.
Let the strength and light pass to him.
Let him never to give up.
Love is everlasting.

My love remains.

Only God can raise the dead.
And when God tells me my heart is ready,
let Heaven come to my front door.




Written By: Julie Hayward
03-11-09