Bloody Mess!

I woke up bright and early, my heart already racing because I know the time is coming to face something I don't want to face.

Court... 8:30am, about the divorce.

It's like taking the deep cut you have, and after it's healed and scabbed over, not quite healed... you rip it off and it starts to hurt again. I can see why God hates divorce. It hurts in so many ways.

Let's take it 2 months back when he surprised me as I got home from school one day, Actually Thurs. Feb. 26th, 2009 at 3pm I walked into the house with nothing but divorce papers sitting the back of the couch, which is right in front of the front door.... starring at me as I walk it. What a welcome home. So ever since this journey began, I've searched and searched and searched for an attorney that would do my case probono because well... I wasn't left with anything.

I had a wonderful group of friends, prayer partners, groups at church, pastors, students, teachers, doctors, YOU NAME IT... They are wonderful prayer warriors in this whole thing!!! I don't know the outcome, but God does. And I trust Him.

Okay, so I have all my documents, paper work, everything that I think I need, everything that all these individuals helped me with I have to bring to court. I am so scared! I'm acting as if I'm an attorney. I'm representing myself. I DON'T KNOW THE LAW! I know GODS law! But I don't know Texas law what-so-ever!!! But I'll stand strong as a faithful servant, and do what I need to do in Jesus name.

I arrive in downtown. Heart racing, thoughts of representing myself, paperwork, is he going to be there a man who once said he loves me but says he no longer does, it's two against one and feeling like a war zone and it only builds the pain within me, feelings of being so alone by the people who abandoned you,...
I park my car.
As I get out of my car, I walk over to the passengers side to get my purse and documents. When I open the car door and was reaching in to grab my things, a man pulls up behind me and lays on his horn. I yells at me saying "You are in my parking spot! It's assigned parking, and you need to move!" I frantically tell him sorry and start scurrying around and as I close the door to go back to the drivers side to move my car for him... as I had JUST turned around I realized...

I just locked my keys in the car!
I have 15 minutes before I have to be in the courtroom to represent myself!

As all these thoughts reoccur, additionally I have this man yelling at me about his parking space. A man walks by and asks if anyone has a key to my car that I can call. I tell him I have no family, my husband has the other key and he wouldn't dare help me. The conversation happened so fast, when I asked him for his umbrella. I took it and hit the glass 2 times before it shattered. What I didn't know is that my hand must have been close to the end of the umbrella, because for it seems like 5 whole seconds.... BEFORE the blood started to come, I actually saw the bone in my finger. It was about an inch long cut. But when it started to bleed, it didn't stop! It bled like I've never ever seen blood flow before!

So the man with the umbrella went to his meeting and the guy yelling at me had parked and came to me with 2 packs of gauze he had in his car. Even with the attitude he still had... may I say the gauze was just a simple plan of God?

Secondly he said I needed to go to the ER right away. I said no. I have to be in court! He actually walked me to the family law building. There was a LONG line of people waiting to go through security (taking off shoes, etc.) I don't know if this guy was an attorney or what, but I somehow dodged the entire line, and was okayed to go around no problem. I went straight to the elevator and went to the 4th floor. Alone.

I found the courtroom. No purse in hand. No documents. Nothing. Just Faith.

Pushing my pain to the side and not allowing this major MAJOR distraction cause me to not attend court, I serve the Lord and with my head held high I walk into the courtroom. An officer from the front walks back to me and asks to talk to me outside the doors. He tells me that I need to go straight to the hospital. I told him no. I had court I have to attend. I don't have an attorney, I can't afford one, I am representing myself and I HAVE to be here! I started to tear up.

He points to a little room off front doors of the court room. I sit down at the little table. Overwhelmed by emotions and "re-ripping this scab off this deep wound" I fall into tears. I pray.

Out of ABSOLUTELY NO WHERE... a lady walks in to the room. Sits in front of me and says "I understand you do not have an attorney". I told her yes, that I was representing myself. I can't cover my own bills, I cannot pay for an attorney. She then said "I would like to represent you... for free".

Oh! Did the tears start to come! Lord, you are here! You heard my cries! Lord, you showed me by being faithful, YOU WILL PROVIDE!!!

No matter the distraction! No matter the trial! No matter the pain!
God has an outcome! Love, peace and patience is what we need to have faith in.
Trust me... it works! Even after the entire 2 months of looking. God provided seconds before the scheduled court date. Fully be His servant! Don't let thoughts of failure stop you! Move forward. You may not see the light, but God is directing you the whole way!

!!!!!HIS LOVE NEVER FAILS!!!!!


I'm a pretty tough girl. I can handle alot. Especially after these last couple of months!

The string! Yes, I was taking these pictures.

The grand finale! For seeing my bone, I'm surprised it was only 3 stitches!



I'm one woman, that one man is going to be happy to have by his side. Strong in many ways. I will love at no end. I will not turn my back on you.
Like a wonderful friend of mine said to me, God could have been preparing me from having more heart ache and pain. I would have stayed there my entire life. But let there now be healing on both sides! It doesn't stop me from praying for him.