I was created to love someone

I'm not going to accept anyone saying "I just don't love you anymore, or say that I didn't take care of myself to look good for him."
Has anyone ever seen me look like I never taken care of myself? On top of that, I don't need someone in my life that threatens their life and blames it on me. If you don't love yourself or the one who loves you more than the world, then I don't deserve it and the constant blaming everything on me. I've admited my faults. I've given it to the Lord.

When you left, you left a good thing. After you left, you saw a really bad side of me. Who wouldn't have gone crazy for ALL the things lost unexpectedly? I've given you to the Lord. It's out of my hands. And I will not "wash my hands of you" as you said to me. You made up every excuse to make yourself think it was okay. How could any human being but anyone through this amount of pain?

I'm 100% loyal. I will love at no end. Don't expect me to be perfect like some. Expect me to be as imperfect as imperfect can be.

When you read below, do not take it that I am looking for the next best thing, because I am FAR from it, and honestly I am still in love with my (I don't know what you would call him, but I guess for now, he is still my...) husband. Time will pass and I am seeing the true side of every side. So for now... while it's fresh... this is what I want out of someone, even if it's 40 when I remarry.

If this is the real you, then I accept what has happened. Of everything I've given to you, my love, identity, failures, and entire future... for a man that is supposed to provide for his family and all of a sudden abandon them, I can honestly say it's 100% wrong... I deserve better... and I forgive you. I've been deeply cut, and there WILL always be a deep scar with your name on it, but it's slowely not hurting as bad anymore.

*Someone who loves himself, not arrogantly, but Godly
*Someone who puts God first in ever aspect of life
*Someone who believes in forever
*Someone who doesn't marry out of lust, but LOVE!
*Someone who has never been married before
*Someone who is not a PK
*Someone who doesn't have children
*But someone who loves children with his whole heart!
*And someone who maybe wants to have a baby
*Someone that is truthful, with himself and me
*Someone that is hilarious!
*Someone that enjoys cooking
*Someone who a leader in the church and does not deceive the people
*Someone who is smart :)
*Someone who loves to constantly learn
*Someone who likes to read the dictionary with me, 1 page a night
*Someone who likes to read period
*Someone who likes to eat, because in return I like to cook
*Someone who has a BIG appetite! Not that I do, but it's kind of hot when a guy eats alot.
*Someone who is not picky in eating any kind of foods
*Someone who LOVES nutrition
*Someone who loves seafood
*Someone who doesn't eat pork
*Someone who enjoys working out daily
*Someone who likes to try new things
*Someone who would be interested in my health lifestyle
*Someone who likes to give massages ;)
*Someone that says "I love you", really means it!
*Someone who likes to take road trips
*Someone who loves to swim
*Someone who is musically inclined
*Someone who would run 5k's with me all the time
*Someone who would try and pick out clothes for me (it's cute)
*Someone who appreciates his woman getting prettied up for an hour every day
*Someone who cares for others
*Someone who really likes to spend quality time with that special someone
*Someone who is touchy/feely
*Someone who would like to be my guinea pig for facials and stuff :)
*Someone who likes to cuddle
*Someone who really cares for his woman all the way
*Someone who allows me to cut his hair and clip his nails
*Someone who doesn't drink alcohol
*Someone who doesn't drink cofee or cokes either
*Someone who's mother and father are still married (I need a mom & dad I can hug daily if possibly)
*Someone who despises arguing
*Someone who wants just ONE woman
*Someone who is loyal and faithful
*Someone who would enjoy going to the Symphony


That's all. Haha. But really, that really is what I desire.

Recipe - a keeper

Completely Healthy!

1 cup of man
1 cup of woman
10 gallons of love
3 tablespoons of time
22 teaspoons of forever
A tid bit of misunderstanding
10 gallons of pain
A sprinkle all over of God
1 bit of hope

Take the man and the woman. Mix them together. Before you add the love, be careful because once you mix the man and woman together, you can't part them. Add in love. Stir until mixed well.

Take the time, and blend it with forever. Pour, the time and forever mixture into the man, woman and love mix.

In a separate bowl, add the misunderstanding to the pain. Set aside.

Take first mix, bake for 0202 degrees for 1 hour(year) 3 minutes(weeks) and 3 seconds(days).

If it doesnt' come out to your expectations, sprinkle all over with God and a bit of hope, and it will be all good again.



May my 5 gallons of love (because my other 5 are someone else) not be burnt but built to the right consistency!

Love
& as always, written by: Julie

You're Not Alone

I search for love
When the night came and it closed in
I was alone
but you found me where I was hiding
and now I'll never ever be the same
It was the sweetest voice that called my name
saying

You're not alone
for I am here
let me wipe away your every fear
My love I've never left your side
I have seen you through the darkest night
and I'm the one who's loved you all your life
All of your life

You cry yourself to sleep
cause the hurt is real
and the pain cuts deep
All hope seems lost
With heartache your closest friend
and everyone else long gone

You've had to face the music on your own
but there is a sweeter song that calls you home
saying

You're not alone
for I am here
let me wipe away your every tear
My love I've never left your side
I have seen you through the darkest nights
And I'm the one who's loved you all your life
All your life

Faithful and true... Forever
For my love will carry you....

You're not alone
for I... I am here
let me wipe away every fear... Oh yeah
My love I've never left your side
I have seen you through your darkest night
Your darkest night
And I'm the one who's loved you all your life
All of your life

Beautiful Mansion!

On October 30th of 2007, I walked up to this most BEAUTIFUL big white house, with the perfect exterior. The yard was perfectly mowed. The hedges were perfectly trimmed. The trees were perfectly placed in perfect order. There was the most incredible white picket fence I've ever seen. Everything so maintained and so organized... on the outside.
Feeling like a princess, I walk up to this most unique, most magnificent peice of artwork on February 2nd, of 2008. My breath was taken away.
Time flew by as I was walking up those granite flight of steps to the mansions pearly door.
I knocked on the door. Not once. Not twice...
On February 25th of 2009 I opened the door. The inside was dark. There was no one home. Why was it so cold? Why is the outside so beautiful, but the inside no one can see?

The construction of this house was absolutely beautiful. It was pure and so much love was poured into it to make it perfect. But this house lives 2 lives, and you can only see what's on the outside. The electricity has been turned off.

It's so cold in there. I'm scared.

No one can find a lamp or light switch no matter how hard they try. Not the owner, not the buyer, and unfortunately not even the builder.

The house had been emptied. Not by the houses choice but by the ones who once cared for it.

So as I turn away and start to walk down those granite steps, I fall down them, as if I'm going in slow motion. I could have prevented it if I were more careful and payed closer attention to my actions. And as I reach the bottom, I'm bruitally bruised. But the bruising came from me. And now I need to heal so that maybe when I try to re enter that Mansion, the lights will be on and I can give to that house the care it needs.

Bucket List

So I've been thinking. There are things that are beyond my control, but all I can do is take it, grow from it, live it, and be it. My entire life I've given all of me. I've always focused on other people before myself, but now that I'm home... alone... every single night, I gather my thoughts and create this "bucket list" that I'm going to conquer during this lifetime journey.

Here's my list that I'm going to complete before I take my last breath!

* Write a book
* Learn to play the Guitar
* Make one single (christian music)
* Be part of my church choir
* Have my own product line in stores
* Perform at least 2 makeup applications at the Oscars
* Take a dance class
* Take a fitness class (for ladies only)
* Maybe instruct a fitness class (for ladies only)
* Do a triathlon
* Do every 5k in a year
* Be in one body sculpting competition
* Fly in a helicopter
* Take a road trip from state to state
* Fly over seas
* Buy a car
* Go scuba diving
* Go kayaking
* Play a round of Paintball
* Go skiing & just try snow boarding
* Go in a hot-air balloon
* Have my own house
* Do some modeling
* Understand Math
* Finish my degree (just because)
* Volunteer to teach children's church
* Take Dillon to the Symphony
* Be the best christian caregiver to my family
* Be the greatest mother to my kid(s)
* Be the most amazing wife to an amazing husband
* Go horseback riding on or near a beach with my husband
* Live a life of future and not of past


That's my list. One that I'm sure isn't completely filled out. But at this moment, I can focus on these things and become a better me through them.

I had a date with myself tonight at my church. Dinner and Theatre. It was the best play I have EVER seen in my life!!! Of course, every seat was filled being Friday night and all!

If you live in my area, I would 1000000000000% recommend you checking out "Christ Church". They are seriously the most incredible group of people I have ever met! I'm looking forward to having my 2nd year anniversary with them. And 3, & 4,5,6,7,8,9...!

My life is far from over

What the enemy stole, God will restore ten fold!

I'm going through this healing process. When your flesh has been torn by the actions from your forever love of which were from the enemy, there is pain but healing and growth.

It still hurts the same as it did the day of, but Lord I am ready to hurt no longer!

I look around and see so many men with wedding rings on. I'm so happy to see that there are some faithful husbands out there! Lord, I desire that. In Your time!

I'm ready to heal Lord! Bring forth what You have planned for me! Put in my life faithful ones! People who are OF You and BELIEVE in Your Word!

Amen!!!

Just where I belong

Tonight was a great night. I got to hang out and talk with some pretty cool people today. Although the food wasn't too shabby, it was free. And they did have Starbucks fraps!

Desyfer Down

Yeah, TJs hand was on my waist. :)

In action. I went to the front to watch a couple of songs.


Me and Kevin, lead singer of Disciple


RED. Great band, with such sweet families.


Me, showing off my zebra-print toes on their stage in between band change. lol.


Skillets lead singer, John


Hanging out until the rain passes. With Skillets John, Korey, Ben & Jen. Oh wait, where's Ben? lol


Me and Korey, chatting about life and kiddos.


Well, I had a great time, and I'm pretty tired. I've got to end this blog for now, I have to wake up early for church.

Blessings
Julie

Julie Hayward

Google results: 1,090,000 results

I'm pretty popular. ha. I come up 3rd on the list. Nice.

blanket of peace

Proverbs 14:14
The backslider in heart shall be filled with his own ways: and a good man shall be satisfied from himself.

-As I surrender my heart, oh Lord, and pray pray pray!

Proverbs 27:20
Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied.

-Destruction of marriage is not of you, may we find satisfaction within ourselves to humble ourselves and allow you to work in this.

Matthew 15:28
And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?

-I know exactly where you started to doubt. Don't believe in doubt. Believe in hope.

This is not a choice. We made the decision before God and many.
We made a covenant.
You are my protector and my provider.
I want you to be strong. Everyone has baggage. If you run from me, you will run from all. See that I desire to love and give you a better life then ever before.
You want children.
As your wife and this marriage whole with God, let your children come from me.

Let the desires of ones heart change for the better. In Jesus name.


Lord, I submit my heart unto you. While the pain of heartache steadily awaits for her prince, it is understandable that mine and his heart are one. We are of one flesh. Lord, I rebuke satan and his ripping of our flesh, and turn to you for comfort, healing and restoration. I've never desired something so pure in my life.
Let YOUR will be done Lord. May YOU win! In Jesus name.

Psalms 16:9
Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth:my flesh also shall rest in hope.

Unmeasurable Blessings

I feel good. Inside. And out.
I can feel it. I can see it.

So many things God has shown me. Within HIS time.
When there is so much going on... so many things going through your head, it's hard to step back and give God the chance to just take care of things.

You have to trust.

It took some time. I'm not gonna lie.

My intimate life with the Lord has become stronger than ever before. My prayers are truly real. It's amazing how one could go from being scared to pray and focusing more on the "feeling" of prayer than the "meaning."

For instance a great friend of mine prayed for me that morning and told me that everyone that I speak with, that I come across, that I do "business" with will favor me. From the moment I heard that, I gave it to God and believed in it.
So many things were going according to that plan, and after I left downtown from turning in a document I called a friend to tell them that it went easier then I had thought it would have. That the change of the date wasn't a problem. I immediately realized the pride within me, praising myself for that brief second. And instantly I could see God's face showing me to back off the pride and give that what belonged to Him back to Him. I did, and I felt good giving all thanks to Him for the occurrence! And for allowing me to swallow my pride and give Him the praise.

God is showing me that by being faithful, and giving the way I should, and leaving all things for Him to take care of... He will show me truth. Happiness. Joy.

My sister and I are building a relationship that we've never had. We talk often over the phone! She is offering her house, arms, everything for my precious boy. I know he will be safe.

I have been visiting with my mother every Sunday. She is really enjoying her church. I see a difference in the peace within her. I did her hair yesterday and gave her a makeover. She looked so pretty!

Today has been pretty blessed day.
My primary focus, now that God is showing me, me... I can finally feel free to completely open up to the healing and pray for people I love most with my entire heart. I would love to share my prayers like usual... but these in my heart now are just for God. They are as intimate as they could get. And I'm looking forward to hearing the answers. No matter how long they may take.

I'm closing this with a little smile, and with a heart full of love... that I only learned from One.

Quotes to help:

I found these quotes encouraging...


Love is Life. And if you
miss love,
you miss life.


Be who you are
and say what you feel,
because those who mind
dont matter,
and those who matter
dont mind.


Nobody
is worth your tears,
and the one that is,
wont make you cry.


When life
gives you a hundred
reasons to cry,
show life
that you have a thousand
reasons to smile.


Move on. It's
just a chapter in
the past. But
don't close the book,
just turn the page.


I am too positive
to be doubtful,
too optimistic
to be fearful,
and too determined
to be defeated.


Watch your thoughts;
they become your words.
Whatch your words;
they become your actions.
Watch your actions;
they become your habits.
Watch your habits;
they become your character.
Watch your character;
they become your destiny.

and my favorite...

You never know how
STRONG
you are,
until being strong is the
ONLY choice you have.

It's just a symbol of my love

Before I got married, I used to wear this one James Avery cross ring, for purity until I marry. So I decided to get another, but a different look. One that has new meaning. This ring represents my life as we speak. This ring represents One. The One who is whole, who is complete, who completes me, who is all I ever could need, who is my Father, Mother, Husband and Son all in one. With this ring, I thee wed.

Everything I could possibly need is in You.

Home-made VEGAN Donuts!

Mini Baked Donuts
Make 20 Donuts

Dry Ingredients:
1 Cup All Purpose Flour
1/2 Cup Sugar
1 1/2 tsp Baking Powder
1/4 tsp Salt
1/4 tsp (scant) Nutmeg
1 tiny pinch or shake Cinnamon

Wet Ingredients:
1/2 Cup Soymilk
1/2 tsp Apple Cider Vinegar
1/2 tsp Pure Vanilla Extract
Egg Replacer for 1 Egg
4 Tbs Earth Balance

Preheat oven to 350ºF

In a large bowl, combine dry ingredients with a whisk to mix thoroughly. Combine wet ingredients in a small sauce pan over medium low heat and mix until earth balance is melted. This mixture should NOT get too hot, you should be able to stick your finger in the mixture. It should feel slightly warm. If you burn yourself, 1) it’s not my fault! and 2) it’s too hot for the dough!

Add wet to dry and mix until just combined. It should form a very soft dough.

Using a tablespoon measure, scoop out dough into your ungreased nonstick mini-donut pan. Smooth out the top of the dough with your fingers, this will make for more even, prettier donuts, but isn’t crucial.



As you can see, the dough sits just below the rim. If you over fill, your donuts will come out looking like it has a little muffin top. Not the end of the world, but not very donut-like either.

Bake for 12 minutes. They should not be browned on top, but a tester will come out clean. Invert hot pan over a cutting board or cooling rack to release donuts. Allow to cool completely before decorating.

Time for toppings!

Glaze with Sprinkles
1/2 Cup Powdered Sugar (lump free!)
1 Tbs Soymilk
Bowl full of sprinkles (1/4 to 1/2 cup, ish?)

Whisk soymilk and powdered sugar together. Dip the “bottom” half of the donut (the side with the nicer shape) into the glaze, let some drip off, then dip glaze-side down into sprinkles. Transfer to a wire rack that has been set on top of some parchment paper. The excess glaze will drip through the rack onto the paper for easy cleaning later.

Or Chocolate dip!
This is the easy part. Melt 6 oz of high quality fairly sweet chocolate over low heat in a double boiler. Remove from heat and stir until chocolate is smooth and barely warm to the touch. I should mention that you should be very careful not to get any water in the chocolate or it could seize, and no one likes that!

Dip your donuts one-by-one into the chocolate until completely covered. Place donut on your wire rack to drip off excess chocolate - it’ll make for a much smoother appearance than if you try to scrape off excess chocoalte with your fingers. Allow to set until chocolate isn’t so shiny and can be picked up without making a sticky mess!

*Edit!! So, I waited until the chocolate was set and realized that my donuts had glued themselves to the rack, making the bottoms rip off when your try to pick one up. I think it’d be better to let these set on parchment paper! Also, use a decently sweet chocolate, mine was too bitter.

First aid for the heart!

Oh, it gets even better! I needed to write this stuff out for you... Some of you that might be going through the same trials. Hope this finds you comfort and the beginning of new joy! What a tiny book worth the whole fifteen dollars!


Breaking up is never easy... but reading The Breakup Repair Kit is a great salve for those breakup wounds. Marni Kamins and Janice Macload (Authors of the book) offer such sage advice and inspiration that you might find being single again a chance to reach parts of yourself you'd forgotten about. Cry yourself a river and write him a love letter you'll never send. Feel the emotions ranging from sadness to denial and anger without losing yourself to them. Rediscover what you love to do and take yourself on the date of your life. Then hop back in that saddle and find the next cowboy.

Here's the good news you'll find in this book: You'll be over it before you know it! Know why? Because "over it" doesn't mean that you'll never think of him, or that it doesn't hurt when you do. "Over it" means that there might still be a little piece of him stuck to your back, in that place you can't reach. But hey, it's on your back, and not in your way. You, Miss Thing, are free to move on.

Next page:

Heard you broke up...

Following page a note from the Author:

...Condgatulations!
The very fact that you have opened
this book means that you have begun
to heal. You are showing yourself that
you are willing to learn from your
experiences. Nice job! You deserve an
amazing, wonderful, and juicy life.



Well, that's a start! The first chapter goes through 8 stages of healing after a breakup. I will soon type it out for you! It is beneficial for the girl & guy!
Much much MUCH love!!! From me... to you.
Miss Julie

My love remains

Repair Kit

I've just got to keep reminding myself of the things I've learned from this experience...

When a divorce occures from one side only, that side is blinded by their problems themselves. It's okay. Everyone is battling a process within their lives.
One thing I wish to stress for myself is that it's not a one way street. There are problems from both spouses. He is not to be ignored. She is not to be ignored. If one is, then there is selfishness desires for that one person. Both are found guilty in unpleasant beahaviors, but if one side demands control then it is unfair for the marriage period. And it fails.

One thing I have learned. I put my husband before God. Bad, bad choice. Over a years worth of time I let him have control. I let him control me. I let him control our marriage. Look where we are now.

If I just had a sincere apology from him saying, "I'm sorry, I had some things going on in my own personal spiritual life, and I made these decisions without God in mind, will you find it in your heart to forgive me?"

But lets face the fact. It's not going to happen. In life that is. But in my head it has, and I whole heartedly forgiven.

So as I gather myself together, and try to start off new, my bandages will slowely wear off.

Like I've told my friend... God is our healer. He is our bandages when we need healing, and He is our neosporin when we need to forgive. I know it sounds silly, but it's just one of those creative examples God gave me one day.

I'm trusting in the Lord more and more through this walk that I'm blessed to travel.

One day... just one day.

"All these thoughts came to me while listening to Lifehouse-Whatever it takes, in the car ride home from Barnes & Noble today"... plus I bought a book...