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Rihanna & Drake Take Care
This song is all around perfect, only if it didn't have a single drug part in it.
Might as well!!!...
Monday, January 30, 2012
...show my other class grades! Let's hope I keep all this up. lol
Oh. And if you're curious as to why test #2 wasn't taken either time... if you make a 100 on your first, you don't have to do any more. :)
Oh. And if you're curious as to why test #2 wasn't taken either time... if you make a 100 on your first, you don't have to do any more. :)
3 Weeks into school... Way too many left to count...
Okay,... 14 weeks to go. anywhoo...
For not being a math person at !!!ALL!!! and pretty much all of this stuff I honestly did not know from day one... Being that we are in Lesson 8 already, I am kinda proud of my hard work. Soooo, here are my test results so far... dun dunn dunnn
Keep is up sista! After this class, I am going to take the accuplacer again and skip a couple classes to go directly to my Science classes which is all that remains. I'm pretty stoked. :)))))))
For not being a math person at !!!ALL!!! and pretty much all of this stuff I honestly did not know from day one... Being that we are in Lesson 8 already, I am kinda proud of my hard work. Soooo, here are my test results so far... dun dunn dunnn
Keep is up sista! After this class, I am going to take the accuplacer again and skip a couple classes to go directly to my Science classes which is all that remains. I'm pretty stoked. :)))))))
Thursday, January 26, 2012
So I get a call from the teacher asking why Dillon has been acting differently. I asked her how? She said he has been acting out more than normal, and seems really depressed.
She had then asked him why and he said because my ex boyfriend is not longer in our lives. That he really acted out even more today and found out why. We received 2 boxes later yesterday afternoon that had all of our belongings in them that were at his house. Dillon thought they were going to stay at his house in hopes we were going to be back. I didn't know he was as hurt as he was. I mean, it crossed my mind too about the same thing, but had no clue he thought that in depth.
Scheduled a Drs appointment for him today. He used to be on depression meds after the divorce. I think he may have to go back on them.
Little boy I don't know what to say
I wish I can do something about your heartache
I long for what you long for every day too
For someone to love us, for someone to come through
And show us what consistent means
that I know this year you will be a pre-teen
That you've not gotten close enough to call anyone dad
I hope I did okay, I gave you the very best I had
ever single day, I will be there till I die
Forever is a promise, 'cause I don't believe in goodbyes
People wont have the same promises and come and go as they do
But always remember your manners, always say thank you
for the times you got to spend with them, the experiences you shared
and all the sacrifices that you made, they'll always know you cared
that you're unique in so many ways, simply you outnumber them all
Your delicate life by your mothers side, watched her go through her long haul
With your own eyes you've seen your mom a teenager herself
You watched her go through all her trials, with no one else's help
You see you are a miracle child, you have so much to give
Everything will one day come together, in your benefit
So keep your chin up little boy, I promise you someday
There will be a guy you look up to, I know it's something you crave
Until that time keep focus my love, you have so much to look forward to
But never forget how far you've come, never forget how far you flew
She had then asked him why and he said because my ex boyfriend is not longer in our lives. That he really acted out even more today and found out why. We received 2 boxes later yesterday afternoon that had all of our belongings in them that were at his house. Dillon thought they were going to stay at his house in hopes we were going to be back. I didn't know he was as hurt as he was. I mean, it crossed my mind too about the same thing, but had no clue he thought that in depth.
Scheduled a Drs appointment for him today. He used to be on depression meds after the divorce. I think he may have to go back on them.
Little boy I don't know what to say
I wish I can do something about your heartache
I long for what you long for every day too
For someone to love us, for someone to come through
And show us what consistent means
that I know this year you will be a pre-teen
That you've not gotten close enough to call anyone dad
I hope I did okay, I gave you the very best I had
ever single day, I will be there till I die
Forever is a promise, 'cause I don't believe in goodbyes
People wont have the same promises and come and go as they do
But always remember your manners, always say thank you
for the times you got to spend with them, the experiences you shared
and all the sacrifices that you made, they'll always know you cared
that you're unique in so many ways, simply you outnumber them all
Your delicate life by your mothers side, watched her go through her long haul
With your own eyes you've seen your mom a teenager herself
You watched her go through all her trials, with no one else's help
You see you are a miracle child, you have so much to give
Everything will one day come together, in your benefit
So keep your chin up little boy, I promise you someday
There will be a guy you look up to, I know it's something you crave
Until that time keep focus my love, you have so much to look forward to
But never forget how far you've come, never forget how far you flew
It's official!!!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
...I signed up for the Cowtown Marathon. 31 days left to train!!! lol
Homework break
It's after 8 and I've been doing school work since 9
In the morning to clear that up, & it's getting close to bed time
Ugh, I feel like I've been so inactive
How to each of my professors I must give, give, give!
There's not a moment I'm not catching up on something
To every class there's so much I must bring
My backpack is so heavy it must be able to roll
On two wheels so I can have at least a little control
Of my balance and that much less strain
Cause I have no room for anything but gain
I'm the first in my family to ever go to college
I've gone for several years, and obtained much knowledge
Though Ive not had family to look up for guidance
Doing it solo, I've had much to do in advance
First, not having a family care anything about school
I was lost in a world with not one single tool
To take to my future and now think back of the times
When my mom and dad taught me of all things that were now mine.
I wish, but instead, I had to learn it all the hard way
Looking from person to person, as to which one that paid
Their dues in this life and worked incredibly hard
Willing to show how much they were apart
With how caring and giving, everything I'd like to be
From a adolescent to a wife, and finally to be the best me
I wouldn't have these dreams and these goals
If it weren't for some people who dug right into my soul
Without them even knowing, I'd like to give thanks and say
That you've been in my mind day after day
From the very young age of only 5 years old
I remember unrelated people making big changes in my little world
From a simple hug or having me over for dinner
These people were consistent, and my heart they did enter
I'm not sure how I have ended up the way I have
The trials I have gone through, if I were to graph
If you knew my story, I think you'd be amazed
A glimpse into my background, that's I'd come this far away
Away from blood family that cared for me not at all
And from how I always felt unwanted and so small
I was nothing to anyone up till the point I was grown
I couldn't tell you the pain of the times I've tried to take the life of my own
Who else has gone through 2 rapes but me
And from one I had a child that I first never wanted to see
It was even more difficult when I felt the desire to love
That no one would accept me, cause I had a son
It hurt and weakened our bond that much more
Then it already was, I couldn't be more sure.
As I grew older, it was unlikely to not have a child
Someone let us into his world, and I was in denial
He hurt my son, left bruises all over
It wasn't an option, to go back where we were
After the divorce, the judge approved my son to come back
To my home where we then picked up the slack
Of each others broken hearts knowing we'd always be
So close from that point as we both shared and got to see
That our love is so much more amazing then some
Who lived their lives as they are someone up above
We know we aren't better then the rest
But just like so many, we've had our fair share of tests
It's unbelievable how soft our hearts still are
And how often, we get hurt and frequently get scared.
We've attempted love once again
And I trusted completely that it was God that had sent
I know this is true, but I can hardly explain
How deep the emotion, and how deep the pain.
Why did I begin talking about this
I was completely fine, but now my face is a mess
My life is one big ol question mark
That time and time again, I feel I've been torn apart..
Why in this world, I don't understand why I came
From any person to me, that I carry this special name
People say to me over again they cant figure me out
They can't put their thumb down on what I'm all about
And there's not one, not one single person
That will get that part of me but my future husband.
I pray I get that opportunity to say
To him after many years, when we've worked so hard to stay
In one another's lives, through the good and the bad
I'll kiss him on the forehead, tell him it's the best life I ever had.
He'll look at me and smile, the most gentle way he does
And know, with all of my heart, that he loves me so much.
And for the first time in my life, I'll feel what true love can be
My heart pounds from the thought, of someone giving me eternity.
Snapping out of my fantasy world, just like a girl
I must now get back to homework, I think I'm gonna hurl
Maybe I will call in sick, so I can get some good sleep in bed
No, I don't miss ANYTHING, I'll do extra credit instead.
In the morning to clear that up, & it's getting close to bed time
Ugh, I feel like I've been so inactive
How to each of my professors I must give, give, give!
There's not a moment I'm not catching up on something
To every class there's so much I must bring
My backpack is so heavy it must be able to roll
On two wheels so I can have at least a little control
Of my balance and that much less strain
Cause I have no room for anything but gain
I'm the first in my family to ever go to college
I've gone for several years, and obtained much knowledge
Though Ive not had family to look up for guidance
Doing it solo, I've had much to do in advance
First, not having a family care anything about school
I was lost in a world with not one single tool
To take to my future and now think back of the times
When my mom and dad taught me of all things that were now mine.
I wish, but instead, I had to learn it all the hard way
Looking from person to person, as to which one that paid
Their dues in this life and worked incredibly hard
Willing to show how much they were apart
With how caring and giving, everything I'd like to be
From a adolescent to a wife, and finally to be the best me
I wouldn't have these dreams and these goals
If it weren't for some people who dug right into my soul
Without them even knowing, I'd like to give thanks and say
That you've been in my mind day after day
From the very young age of only 5 years old
I remember unrelated people making big changes in my little world
From a simple hug or having me over for dinner
These people were consistent, and my heart they did enter
I'm not sure how I have ended up the way I have
The trials I have gone through, if I were to graph
If you knew my story, I think you'd be amazed
A glimpse into my background, that's I'd come this far away
Away from blood family that cared for me not at all
And from how I always felt unwanted and so small
I was nothing to anyone up till the point I was grown
I couldn't tell you the pain of the times I've tried to take the life of my own
Who else has gone through 2 rapes but me
And from one I had a child that I first never wanted to see
It was even more difficult when I felt the desire to love
That no one would accept me, cause I had a son
It hurt and weakened our bond that much more
Then it already was, I couldn't be more sure.
As I grew older, it was unlikely to not have a child
Someone let us into his world, and I was in denial
He hurt my son, left bruises all over
It wasn't an option, to go back where we were
After the divorce, the judge approved my son to come back
To my home where we then picked up the slack
Of each others broken hearts knowing we'd always be
So close from that point as we both shared and got to see
That our love is so much more amazing then some
Who lived their lives as they are someone up above
We know we aren't better then the rest
But just like so many, we've had our fair share of tests
It's unbelievable how soft our hearts still are
And how often, we get hurt and frequently get scared.
We've attempted love once again
And I trusted completely that it was God that had sent
I know this is true, but I can hardly explain
How deep the emotion, and how deep the pain.
Why did I begin talking about this
I was completely fine, but now my face is a mess
My life is one big ol question mark
That time and time again, I feel I've been torn apart..
Why in this world, I don't understand why I came
From any person to me, that I carry this special name
People say to me over again they cant figure me out
They can't put their thumb down on what I'm all about
And there's not one, not one single person
That will get that part of me but my future husband.
I pray I get that opportunity to say
To him after many years, when we've worked so hard to stay
In one another's lives, through the good and the bad
I'll kiss him on the forehead, tell him it's the best life I ever had.
He'll look at me and smile, the most gentle way he does
And know, with all of my heart, that he loves me so much.
And for the first time in my life, I'll feel what true love can be
My heart pounds from the thought, of someone giving me eternity.
Snapping out of my fantasy world, just like a girl
I must now get back to homework, I think I'm gonna hurl
Maybe I will call in sick, so I can get some good sleep in bed
No, I don't miss ANYTHING, I'll do extra credit instead.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
As the thunder storms
And the rain pours
I feel lightening in my soul
With a single piece of me out in the world
That makes every bit of me feel at whole.
Rain falls from the sky
Like teardrops from my eyes
I've never knew of love of this kind
I'm thankful that at one time
I had the blessing of calling him mine
People keep saying I may see him again
They feel the 2 souls that never had an end
Why do they all keep saying to wait
That everything has its time and it's place.
If I fail at anything it's my commitment for patience.
That all I could ever want is him in my presence.
I love him and I miss him more and more
My love is waiting to burst through every one of my pores.
If I could say a prayer and it'd make it to him tonight
I'd let him know, I'd always be by his side
I'd love him, caress him, respect him and more
Give what's never been given to him ever before.
I pray You keep him is safe in Your arms
I pray You keep him safe from all harm.
I pray You show him the wisdom I've seen
Only in him and in that I believe.
And the rain pours
I feel lightening in my soul
With a single piece of me out in the world
That makes every bit of me feel at whole.
Rain falls from the sky
Like teardrops from my eyes
I've never knew of love of this kind
I'm thankful that at one time
I had the blessing of calling him mine
People keep saying I may see him again
They feel the 2 souls that never had an end
Why do they all keep saying to wait
That everything has its time and it's place.
If I fail at anything it's my commitment for patience.
That all I could ever want is him in my presence.
I love him and I miss him more and more
My love is waiting to burst through every one of my pores.
If I could say a prayer and it'd make it to him tonight
I'd let him know, I'd always be by his side
I'd love him, caress him, respect him and more
Give what's never been given to him ever before.
I pray You keep him is safe in Your arms
I pray You keep him safe from all harm.
I pray You show him the wisdom I've seen
Only in him and in that I believe.
"I Hate Valentines Day"
Monday, January 23, 2012
Truly a wonderful movie.
Made me think of my life, exactly.
...all but "the end". :(
Made me think of my life, exactly.
...all but "the end". :(
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh!
There's something that just went straight through my body like a lightening bolt. It was full of excitement. Full of joy. Full of... WOOHOO! lol
I am so excited about being swept off my feet... not temporarily, but for eternity!!! I'm more excited of the feeling of being in love again! Of that FEELING! But cannot wait to get that feeling in return <3
So this is to you gals who have lost all hope.
DON'T!!!
Buy yourself one of those cute REALLY BIG Valentines Teddy Bears that you've always wanted but have never got. Buy yourself some roses to put on your dining room table to make your house seem fresh and new.
Fill your world with love!!! Not everyone else can give it, but YOU DO!!! It's in your blood!!!
Love the world! Love yourself! Don't let let anything put your life on hold. Love! Love! Love! Cause not only does the world deserve it... you do. <3
There's something that just went straight through my body like a lightening bolt. It was full of excitement. Full of joy. Full of... WOOHOO! lol
I am so excited about being swept off my feet... not temporarily, but for eternity!!! I'm more excited of the feeling of being in love again! Of that FEELING! But cannot wait to get that feeling in return <3
So this is to you gals who have lost all hope.
DON'T!!!
Buy yourself one of those cute REALLY BIG Valentines Teddy Bears that you've always wanted but have never got. Buy yourself some roses to put on your dining room table to make your house seem fresh and new.
Fill your world with love!!! Not everyone else can give it, but YOU DO!!! It's in your blood!!!
Love the world! Love yourself! Don't let let anything put your life on hold. Love! Love! Love! Cause not only does the world deserve it... you do. <3
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Laying here in my bed
So many thoughts running through my head
I dont even have to look to find
cause, everything bout him is whats on my mind.
I always wonder if he's thinking of me too
If life for him is just as blue
From day one I knew we'd always be a part
Of eachothers lives, in one another's heart.
Maybe it was just a dream of my own
I lied to myself that somebody could sew
My heart together with love I never had
And I'd be able to give my son a real dad.
It was incredible the times we shared
There's no words as to how much I cared
For him and still without question do.
But time takes a toll and the heart becomes subdued.
I cannot say its done that yet
I don't know how he doesn't regret
The impact he had on this heart of mine
To involve innocent lives all at the same time.
Although I waited for three long years,
I was ready for love, I was ready to hear
The beat of my undying loves heart
In the mid of the night as each day would start,
A brand new love each awaking morning
From my heart thats incapable of not pouring.
I cannot smell him on this pillow anymore
Is it a sign of him leaving my core?
The inner most parts so deep down inside
That now I feel I must try and hide.
I felt if he cared, he wouldntve gone astray
We used to be so close, now were so far away.
If he truly loved me, he'd still be here
Something's going on, something's not sincere.
I don't think it was about the healing climb
Cause if it were, I'd been lied to two times.
He told me he was over it two years ago.
How is it possible, this much later, begin to show?
Things were so perfect, I don't understand it at all
I don't think he'll ever come back around or even call
I must get passed another heartache
And know, just know that a heart has been saved,
Just for me from God above
That nothing compares to unconditional love.
So many thoughts running through my head
I dont even have to look to find
cause, everything bout him is whats on my mind.
I always wonder if he's thinking of me too
If life for him is just as blue
From day one I knew we'd always be a part
Of eachothers lives, in one another's heart.
Maybe it was just a dream of my own
I lied to myself that somebody could sew
My heart together with love I never had
And I'd be able to give my son a real dad.
It was incredible the times we shared
There's no words as to how much I cared
For him and still without question do.
But time takes a toll and the heart becomes subdued.
I cannot say its done that yet
I don't know how he doesn't regret
The impact he had on this heart of mine
To involve innocent lives all at the same time.
Although I waited for three long years,
I was ready for love, I was ready to hear
The beat of my undying loves heart
In the mid of the night as each day would start,
A brand new love each awaking morning
From my heart thats incapable of not pouring.
I cannot smell him on this pillow anymore
Is it a sign of him leaving my core?
The inner most parts so deep down inside
That now I feel I must try and hide.
I felt if he cared, he wouldntve gone astray
We used to be so close, now were so far away.
If he truly loved me, he'd still be here
Something's going on, something's not sincere.
I don't think it was about the healing climb
Cause if it were, I'd been lied to two times.
He told me he was over it two years ago.
How is it possible, this much later, begin to show?
Things were so perfect, I don't understand it at all
I don't think he'll ever come back around or even call
I must get passed another heartache
And know, just know that a heart has been saved,
Just for me from God above
That nothing compares to unconditional love.
Bit of a lonely day. Dillon's out with the guys. He needs that. I'm just wanting someone to hold onto me tightly. Luckily I know what that feels like,.. just want it forever.
Looking forward to this healing to be done. So maybe,.. just maybe,.. God introduces me to love once again. He knows my desires. He knows I try to convince myself I'm fine. When I'm not. I make things look so much brighter, so much more exciting, so much happier... then what is really deep inside.
This will pass. Just like everything else in my past.
Looking forward to this healing to be done. So maybe,.. just maybe,.. God introduces me to love once again. He knows my desires. He knows I try to convince myself I'm fine. When I'm not. I make things look so much brighter, so much more exciting, so much happier... then what is really deep inside.
This will pass. Just like everything else in my past.
Baby Abigail visit
I had such a wonderful time tonight. My wonderful friend Tereasa came over to visit. I got to meet baby Abigail. Oh my goodness, I fell in love.
I got out blankets, pillows, necklaces, headbands, and all kinds of stuff to take some pictures of her.
Now, I'm not a professional by ANY means but I think I did an okay job. It was really difficult cause she kept crying, rolling over, getting hungry and more. Plus, I took them with my iPhone. I don't know how baby photographers do what they do! Amazing! My favorite is the green up close one <3
I got out blankets, pillows, necklaces, headbands, and all kinds of stuff to take some pictures of her.
Now, I'm not a professional by ANY means but I think I did an okay job. It was really difficult cause she kept crying, rolling over, getting hungry and more. Plus, I took them with my iPhone. I don't know how baby photographers do what they do! Amazing! My favorite is the green up close one <3
Over 11,000 blog views
Wow! I wish I would have started the counter a long time ago! This counter started when I reformatted the encryption of this blogger layout, about 9 months ago. This is exciting :)
I hope that I've been able to help you guys in some sort of way. XOXO
This was just during a moment I was on my page, stalking y'all while you stalk me. lol
Top 4 list of names people have searched for in their search engine, who have ended up at my blog. I don't think they were trying to find me at all. lol
Ya'll sure hit up my blog hardcore tonight!!!
I hope that I've been able to help you guys in some sort of way. XOXO
This was just during a moment I was on my page, stalking y'all while you stalk me. lol
Top 4 list of names people have searched for in their search engine, who have ended up at my blog. I don't think they were trying to find me at all. lol
Ya'll sure hit up my blog hardcore tonight!!!
Today. Tomorrow. And the days after that...
So today is my "Friday Free-day"!
There's so much I'm knocking out. All homework I've been completing the day of classes.
First, let me explain my classes. 2 days a week for each class, Mon-Thur. My Art class is longest. 4 hours long!!! She is very low key. Like, low key enough that I'll probably see some students take advantage of her. Anyways, it's going to be a wonderful class. She seems to be extremely talented. Not many people know, but art runs in my bloodline. I kinda gave up drawing after someone had stolen my portfolio many years ago. It was years and years of work. I'm excited to now express my life and emotions not only through my writing, but through my drawings.
My second is Math. Ugh. That should say it all. Everything is done online... yet we still have class? My professor wears hearing aids but he still can't hear you. Which makes it even more uncomfortable asking a question of trying to understand... twice. Maybe three times. Not that I had to... yet. But someone else has. Poor thing. lol
He seems like he may be one tough cookie. But over all, very nice.
Fitness & Wellness is going to be a blast, I can already tell. The professor is fit and bald, lol. There's actually a lot we must do for this class, but with what I've planned (outside of class) that by the end of semester, I will be at my goal weight. Dates and everything organized, school lets out the weekend Hurricane Harbor opens their doors. So it's perfect perfect perfect. And extremely healthy!!!
My reading teacher is LOUD, STERN, OCD, ORGANIZED, and there's no room for failure!!! Most students probably wouldn't like this type of professor, but she is my favorite. Just because she knows EXACTLY what she's doing. It's definitely going to be a test, knowing her 13 year old son is in college already but I don't necessarily have a problem in this subject.
I sit up front in all my classes and have 110% focus.
In the mornings I have my "fun" classes, and in between I study, have a small lunch and take an energy pill. That REALLY makes me focus on my "serious" classes. lol. I don't know what it does to the brain, maybe more blood circulation or something but it sure does help, on top of my vities in the morning!
So as you see, I have not one professor alike. I mean, they're so dramatically different that they would all be on opposite sides of the spectrum. They're all SO unique!
This week, I seem to have already gotten into a rhythm. That was the fastest yet!
God is really blessing me with work. After so many years, my name is really starting to blossom. Getting calls daily, booking appointments like crazy. It's the challenge of keeping up with everything that I have going on that makes it exciting. He sure works in mysterious ways. Though a breakup is not easy in the least, if it were to happen, that would have been the moment.
Another job opportunity. My friend is looking into buying a Spa. Though he has no license or anything, he's asked me to run it if he purchases it. We will see what happens. Big things happening. Big things.
Today, I have to take a lot of things back to the stores where I purchased them. Pants, shirts, dishes, glasses. It sucks but I must get it behind me now. No holding onto uncertainties.
We've not had much of a winter, not complaining whatsoever! It feels amazing outside. I'm just a little fearful of the summer to come.
If I didn't have a 150 gallon fish tank, I'd wouldn't have to keep my house at a certain temp. Which kinda sucks cause my elec bill runs up quite a but. Last summer wasn't so bad. I went the white trash route and put in a window unit next to the fish tank to keep it cooler. It made it through the 120 degree weather pretty successfully.
I haven't updated much in the last year or so. I've kinda run out of words at times. But I'm learning to use the words I have that are to me not the most uplifting, but force myself to still write them down to help someone else who may just be going through the same thing.
Long blog, but hope you enjoyed this little glimpse into my life.
Love,
Julie
There's so much I'm knocking out. All homework I've been completing the day of classes.
First, let me explain my classes. 2 days a week for each class, Mon-Thur. My Art class is longest. 4 hours long!!! She is very low key. Like, low key enough that I'll probably see some students take advantage of her. Anyways, it's going to be a wonderful class. She seems to be extremely talented. Not many people know, but art runs in my bloodline. I kinda gave up drawing after someone had stolen my portfolio many years ago. It was years and years of work. I'm excited to now express my life and emotions not only through my writing, but through my drawings.
My second is Math. Ugh. That should say it all. Everything is done online... yet we still have class? My professor wears hearing aids but he still can't hear you. Which makes it even more uncomfortable asking a question of trying to understand... twice. Maybe three times. Not that I had to... yet. But someone else has. Poor thing. lol
He seems like he may be one tough cookie. But over all, very nice.
Fitness & Wellness is going to be a blast, I can already tell. The professor is fit and bald, lol. There's actually a lot we must do for this class, but with what I've planned (outside of class) that by the end of semester, I will be at my goal weight. Dates and everything organized, school lets out the weekend Hurricane Harbor opens their doors. So it's perfect perfect perfect. And extremely healthy!!!
My reading teacher is LOUD, STERN, OCD, ORGANIZED, and there's no room for failure!!! Most students probably wouldn't like this type of professor, but she is my favorite. Just because she knows EXACTLY what she's doing. It's definitely going to be a test, knowing her 13 year old son is in college already but I don't necessarily have a problem in this subject.
I sit up front in all my classes and have 110% focus.
In the mornings I have my "fun" classes, and in between I study, have a small lunch and take an energy pill. That REALLY makes me focus on my "serious" classes. lol. I don't know what it does to the brain, maybe more blood circulation or something but it sure does help, on top of my vities in the morning!
So as you see, I have not one professor alike. I mean, they're so dramatically different that they would all be on opposite sides of the spectrum. They're all SO unique!
This week, I seem to have already gotten into a rhythm. That was the fastest yet!
God is really blessing me with work. After so many years, my name is really starting to blossom. Getting calls daily, booking appointments like crazy. It's the challenge of keeping up with everything that I have going on that makes it exciting. He sure works in mysterious ways. Though a breakup is not easy in the least, if it were to happen, that would have been the moment.
Another job opportunity. My friend is looking into buying a Spa. Though he has no license or anything, he's asked me to run it if he purchases it. We will see what happens. Big things happening. Big things.
Today, I have to take a lot of things back to the stores where I purchased them. Pants, shirts, dishes, glasses. It sucks but I must get it behind me now. No holding onto uncertainties.
We've not had much of a winter, not complaining whatsoever! It feels amazing outside. I'm just a little fearful of the summer to come.
If I didn't have a 150 gallon fish tank, I'd wouldn't have to keep my house at a certain temp. Which kinda sucks cause my elec bill runs up quite a but. Last summer wasn't so bad. I went the white trash route and put in a window unit next to the fish tank to keep it cooler. It made it through the 120 degree weather pretty successfully.
I haven't updated much in the last year or so. I've kinda run out of words at times. But I'm learning to use the words I have that are to me not the most uplifting, but force myself to still write them down to help someone else who may just be going through the same thing.
Long blog, but hope you enjoyed this little glimpse into my life.
Love,
Julie
You rob yourself when you make choices... based on your own understanding.
Jumping to conclusions about my status updates, thinking I have blocked my posts from an individual just because there has not been any status updates on my wall.
Once again, I get pushed down just because I have done or have not done something to someone else's capability.
No one takes into consideration that I may have not posted anything at all. No one has taken into consideration that when I'm quiet,... I'm hurting. Bad.
So when a person thinks in a selfish manner, excludes that there may be feelings of others, and goes on to delete the few things we shared together on their page. It tears my heart to shreds. Even more than not having the words to update my status. The pain multiplies.
When I have done nothing wrong.
Especially in this "I only have Facebook because of you." If this was the case, you know I'd see what you've done. It's like taking a stab to my heart.
I thought. I thought. I thought I meant so much more than to intentionally put yourself forward and hurt me in the process.
My few messages and pictures were deleted. Which means to me 2 things. 1, it was an intentional stab that was to lead in the want of me not being there anymore. Which is how I felt when I didn't even exist any longer.
2, to keep me hidden because there is or will be soon, someone else.
My heart doesn't work this way. I have a loving a giving heart and when you LOVE someone, you don't hurt them. You become a team as that person is part of you. That I feel what they feel or they feel what I feel.
That's. Love. There's no room for pain and heartache. There's no room for games.
You robbed yourself when you thought of your feelings first. When something so honest and pure and at a extremely critical time in my life,.. Because of no posts... this is what I deserve.
You robbed yourself that when you chose to make decisions based on your own understanding about ME without understanding at all, it would only come back that if this is what you really want SO badly...
Ill give it to you.
You robbed yourself of me.
#Unfriend. :(
Once again, I get pushed down just because I have done or have not done something to someone else's capability.
No one takes into consideration that I may have not posted anything at all. No one has taken into consideration that when I'm quiet,... I'm hurting. Bad.
So when a person thinks in a selfish manner, excludes that there may be feelings of others, and goes on to delete the few things we shared together on their page. It tears my heart to shreds. Even more than not having the words to update my status. The pain multiplies.
When I have done nothing wrong.
Especially in this "I only have Facebook because of you." If this was the case, you know I'd see what you've done. It's like taking a stab to my heart.
I thought. I thought. I thought I meant so much more than to intentionally put yourself forward and hurt me in the process.
My few messages and pictures were deleted. Which means to me 2 things. 1, it was an intentional stab that was to lead in the want of me not being there anymore. Which is how I felt when I didn't even exist any longer.
2, to keep me hidden because there is or will be soon, someone else.
My heart doesn't work this way. I have a loving a giving heart and when you LOVE someone, you don't hurt them. You become a team as that person is part of you. That I feel what they feel or they feel what I feel.
That's. Love. There's no room for pain and heartache. There's no room for games.
You robbed yourself when you thought of your feelings first. When something so honest and pure and at a extremely critical time in my life,.. Because of no posts... this is what I deserve.
You robbed yourself that when you chose to make decisions based on your own understanding about ME without understanding at all, it would only come back that if this is what you really want SO badly...
Ill give it to you.
You robbed yourself of me.
#Unfriend. :(
Let it burn
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=US#/watch?v=xc1xCCiqfIs
Monday, January 16, 2012
These past 9 days have felt like its been a full year.
First it was so long for the anticipation of the arrival of my oh so amazing man, then it changed to I'm not going to get to see him this weekend now, or maybe even for a very long time if not, forever :( so the weekend approached and I made sure to make plans with friends so I could get this weekend behind me. And though I had a wonderful time with those friends, I knew that time would have been that much more wonderful with him.
As they say, time heals all wounds. And though this is valid to a point, the wound that I carry is the same wound re-opened. It's the love wound. It feels as if when I fall in love, it takes that person to go through much scar tissue, but once inside, the procedure is not complete and the wound is left open.
If it wasn't for God, my limbs would eventually lose blood circulation and there would be no more left of me.
But each time, I seem to jump up and run the marathon with the wound wide open. Though it gushes, God replaces.
Though God replaces, someone will be there one day to kiss it all better.
Though I feel my mourning not quite over, the race is about to begin. My focus needs to be set straight and my plans to finish this race will be by the grace of God. This finish line is my goal. Though I have many goals, it will be just like a marathon, where every turn, there are people rooting you on! Running through the finish line will be the ultimate goal and receiving the medal will be an major accomplishment.
I feel a tug at my heart about some unexpected changes though. I'm not sure what it is yet or if it is God telling me to go this route but it's a big deal, and changes my studies. In the mean time, I must knock out this semester.
Big big plans ahead.
Let's go!
First it was so long for the anticipation of the arrival of my oh so amazing man, then it changed to I'm not going to get to see him this weekend now, or maybe even for a very long time if not, forever :( so the weekend approached and I made sure to make plans with friends so I could get this weekend behind me. And though I had a wonderful time with those friends, I knew that time would have been that much more wonderful with him.
As they say, time heals all wounds. And though this is valid to a point, the wound that I carry is the same wound re-opened. It's the love wound. It feels as if when I fall in love, it takes that person to go through much scar tissue, but once inside, the procedure is not complete and the wound is left open.
If it wasn't for God, my limbs would eventually lose blood circulation and there would be no more left of me.
But each time, I seem to jump up and run the marathon with the wound wide open. Though it gushes, God replaces.
Though God replaces, someone will be there one day to kiss it all better.
Though I feel my mourning not quite over, the race is about to begin. My focus needs to be set straight and my plans to finish this race will be by the grace of God. This finish line is my goal. Though I have many goals, it will be just like a marathon, where every turn, there are people rooting you on! Running through the finish line will be the ultimate goal and receiving the medal will be an major accomplishment.
I feel a tug at my heart about some unexpected changes though. I'm not sure what it is yet or if it is God telling me to go this route but it's a big deal, and changes my studies. In the mean time, I must knock out this semester.
Big big plans ahead.
Let's go!
6,840,507,000
You'd question, with a world so big, filled with so many people,How in the world could 1 girl feel so lonely?
And out of all the places in the world, she lives in a busy city,But too scared to show her face to all the phonies.
How is it not possible, to find one single person like me,
I am terrified to open up this heart, that few have been able to see.
I cannot believe I feel this happening,
The wall so tall, so strong and wide
That I cannot see it, behind everyone else's stride.
The footsteps seem to trample my heart
It's already too late, it's fallen apart.
Not sure how to fix what's left,
Im blind of hope, my heart is a mess.
Its so hard to get up and go,
No blood pumping through my veins,
And no family to show.
How is it possible to cry so many tears
When all you've been was strong for all these years
You've stood tall, now your cradled in bed
When are you going to get it through your thick little head?
You've been blessed with talent, and so much more,
Get up and go, Go conquer this world!
There's 6,840,507,000 people here
Learn some new languages, it's your time to steer!
Change people's lives, do what you do,
But no matter through pain, always be you.
People will change, and break your heart,
But remember Me, I'll always be a part,
I'll never give up like they always have,
I'm the One, you always had.
So continue to love, just like you do
Don't ever give up, keep following the truth.
Your heart is not like another out there
But there is another that's just as rare.
Be patient my dear, heal once again
I promise you love, you'll win in the end.
I'm looking forward to the moment someone makes me feel special.
I'm looking forward to the times when someone thinks of me as a treasure.
When my only experiences have ended with let downs and pains
I'm not sure anymore if I am willing to take this chance again.
It hurts deep inside, I cannot even explain
I've just wanted someone to love this broken name
Julie Highland, a girl with SO much love
Julie Highland, a girl that can't get enough.
After 3 years of waiting for my Prince to come
With the times we had, wouldn't have guessed my heart to be trumped.
I catered to his every need,
I cannot do this again, my heart begins to bleed.
Why do I give my love so unintentionally?
Why do I keep thinking, there is someone out there for me?
I'm ripped to shreds,
TRYING to think of the best..
Of times I had throughout my life,
that maybe I'm never to be a wife.
I pray to you, God, all the time
Are my eyes & ears faulty? Cause I never get a sign.
I don't quite understand how my heart is always set up
By ones who said they love me, loved me so much.
I'm beginning to get confused as to what love is
It's spiraling out of control, is there something I missed?
I look in the mirror and see my reflection,
To see a girl, who's only known rejection.
As tears stream down my face, I don't know the things I did.
That somewhere, I did something, to make things turn out like this.
But I go over and over it in my head
Like a pencil to paper, writing with lead
I write all the good, but find nothing bad
I cannot figure out, why my heart feels mislead.
If life is full of lies, and I cannot see,
Then God, why am I here? I don't want to breath.
But you've told me time and time again,
Through every trial, you must comprehend,
Child, you mean so much to me,
You survived through so much,
You will be set free.
You have a purpose, but I cannot share
The gifts that I bring you,
As I'll be standing there...
Just stay strong, my little girl,
You will find love, one day in this broken world.
I'm looking forward to the times when someone thinks of me as a treasure.
When my only experiences have ended with let downs and pains
I'm not sure anymore if I am willing to take this chance again.
It hurts deep inside, I cannot even explain
I've just wanted someone to love this broken name
Julie Highland, a girl with SO much love
Julie Highland, a girl that can't get enough.
After 3 years of waiting for my Prince to come
With the times we had, wouldn't have guessed my heart to be trumped.
I catered to his every need,
I cannot do this again, my heart begins to bleed.
Why do I give my love so unintentionally?
Why do I keep thinking, there is someone out there for me?
I'm ripped to shreds,
TRYING to think of the best..
Of times I had throughout my life,
that maybe I'm never to be a wife.
I pray to you, God, all the time
Are my eyes & ears faulty? Cause I never get a sign.
I don't quite understand how my heart is always set up
By ones who said they love me, loved me so much.
I'm beginning to get confused as to what love is
It's spiraling out of control, is there something I missed?
I look in the mirror and see my reflection,
To see a girl, who's only known rejection.
As tears stream down my face, I don't know the things I did.
That somewhere, I did something, to make things turn out like this.
But I go over and over it in my head
Like a pencil to paper, writing with lead
I write all the good, but find nothing bad
I cannot figure out, why my heart feels mislead.
If life is full of lies, and I cannot see,
Then God, why am I here? I don't want to breath.
But you've told me time and time again,
Through every trial, you must comprehend,
Child, you mean so much to me,
You survived through so much,
You will be set free.
You have a purpose, but I cannot share
The gifts that I bring you,
As I'll be standing there...
Just stay strong, my little girl,
You will find love, one day in this broken world.
Monday, January 9, 2012
We may not get another hug
We may not get another kiss
But one thing that I know for sure
Is you'll be very missed.
With what I've lived, I've experience one thing
That my heart rejoiced and my lips would sing
Of infinite love my heart could bring
Of holiday bells that never had a ring...
...until the season that I met you
My world so bright. It felt so true.
That you would be my miracle
That wasn't quite ready
Ready no more.
But my heart still smiles from the moments we had
For just a moment I was your comrade :)
goodbyes are so hard so say
As bad as I want, I cannot stay...
...in your presence I cannot give..
You the healing you need
That you must learn to live..
Complete alone, before you can give your own,
But there's one who sits upon the thrown
Who's there with you and open arms
Waiting for you to simply
Look Him in the eyes
Of the only one that's capable of brightening up your life.
You've met Him before
You'll adore Him once more
All trials you will trust in the palm of His hands
Where the nails pierced palms, all along this was part of His plan
That you are safe wherever He is
In good times and bad, your tears are His kiss
For you and only you, He loves you that much
That each tear that falls from your eyes,
Is the places only He can touch
Its a way of telling you He's by your side
And He'll be there during your lifelong ride.
This is the reason, that I must depart.
A special key has been created
To to open this heart..
Mine and yours, we go our separate ways
But in my heart, you'll forever stay.
We may not get another kiss
But one thing that I know for sure
Is you'll be very missed.
With what I've lived, I've experience one thing
That my heart rejoiced and my lips would sing
Of infinite love my heart could bring
Of holiday bells that never had a ring...
...until the season that I met you
My world so bright. It felt so true.
That you would be my miracle
That wasn't quite ready
Ready no more.
But my heart still smiles from the moments we had
For just a moment I was your comrade :)
goodbyes are so hard so say
As bad as I want, I cannot stay...
...in your presence I cannot give..
You the healing you need
That you must learn to live..
Complete alone, before you can give your own,
But there's one who sits upon the thrown
Who's there with you and open arms
Waiting for you to simply
Look Him in the eyes
Of the only one that's capable of brightening up your life.
You've met Him before
You'll adore Him once more
All trials you will trust in the palm of His hands
Where the nails pierced palms, all along this was part of His plan
That you are safe wherever He is
In good times and bad, your tears are His kiss
For you and only you, He loves you that much
That each tear that falls from your eyes,
Is the places only He can touch
Its a way of telling you He's by your side
And He'll be there during your lifelong ride.
This is the reason, that I must depart.
A special key has been created
To to open this heart..
Mine and yours, we go our separate ways
But in my heart, you'll forever stay.
Maybe
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Though I cannot make any promises about my future, I can say right now, what I want my future to hold. 
I drew your heart on my hand
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
I drew your heart on my hand
To help you understand
How much you mean to me
And how I feel like we could be
A lasting memory
That everyone can see
But you have to believe
That's it's just you and me
No one gets in between
The love that is seen
No room for jealousy
It's only you and me
That doesn't mean we can't spread the love
But it must be contained just enough
That I am known as the one who's not leaving your life
I don't want you to live a lie of lullabies
My life is in your hands
I'm trusting Him with this plan
That my heart is safe where it is
And that it's sealed with a kiss
I pray my trials are through
As to why God brought me to you
With one question I hope to understand
Will you forever and always be my man?
Will you caress my scars?
Will you rescue me from behind these bars?
Will you hold me in the rain?
Through all gains and pains?
I drew your heart on my hand
To help you understand
How much you mean to me
And how I feel like we could be
To help you understand
How much you mean to me
And how I feel like we could be
A lasting memory
That everyone can see
But you have to believe
That's it's just you and me
No one gets in between
The love that is seen
No room for jealousy
It's only you and me
That doesn't mean we can't spread the love
But it must be contained just enough
That I am known as the one who's not leaving your life
I don't want you to live a lie of lullabies
My life is in your hands
I'm trusting Him with this plan
That my heart is safe where it is
And that it's sealed with a kiss
I pray my trials are through
As to why God brought me to you
With one question I hope to understand
Will you forever and always be my man?
Will you caress my scars?
Will you rescue me from behind these bars?
Will you hold me in the rain?
Through all gains and pains?
I drew your heart on my hand
To help you understand
How much you mean to me
And how I feel like we could be
Thoughts
Sunday, January 1, 2012
I had a conversation with Lucky tonight and after talking to him, I realized something.
Although I felt like my brain interrupted him talking to me,... It was something I felt so strongly about.
For some reason I imagined different types of travel in relating to communication I've experienced.
There is inner city railroad travel. Where the community train travels to the next city and ends. It ends. Like... Communication with some people... It just ends. There's no way it could go any further without major overhaul or it going off tracks. Communication in this pattern has no happy ending. It just... ends. No satisfaction. No results. No nothing.
Then there's the Universal Train. The train the travels throughout he states and even Canada. He only problem with this, though they can go a distant... they continuously go around and around and around in circles. Still... never finding that satisfaction. It's selfish in a way. Because the train just goes around and around and around.
With Lucky, I have noticed something with him that no one of my past ever had.
It's beyond some people's comprehension. It's a communication type that surpasses city trains, that surpasses Union trains, that surpasses planes.
I would refer his communication to this piece of equipment, carefully designed for many years, in absolutely no rush (because imperfection is caused by rushing), but slowly constructed of the perfect materials to launch. His form of communication is a shuttle. A for transportation as to where you can see everyone left behind. You can see the stars up close and personal. He speaks beyond people's form of communication style. It is not basic. It's in depth. There is reason to each matter. There is love behind each thought out word. Though far from slow. A quick thinking/listening/speaking individual, he puts things together that seem to take others a year to find.
He digs deep. He finds he solution. And he caresses it. He feeds it. He loves it. He adores every bit of it.
I couldn't be more proud of this person. And I couldn't be more thankful to God for allowing a genuine person to walk into my life and literally sweep me off my feet.
Though is distance often, we both have one thing no one else has.
Our transportation is our Shuttle.
Meet me at the stars love, anytime you need me. I'll be there.
Love,
Your Supernova
Although I felt like my brain interrupted him talking to me,... It was something I felt so strongly about.
For some reason I imagined different types of travel in relating to communication I've experienced.
There is inner city railroad travel. Where the community train travels to the next city and ends. It ends. Like... Communication with some people... It just ends. There's no way it could go any further without major overhaul or it going off tracks. Communication in this pattern has no happy ending. It just... ends. No satisfaction. No results. No nothing.
Then there's the Universal Train. The train the travels throughout he states and even Canada. He only problem with this, though they can go a distant... they continuously go around and around and around in circles. Still... never finding that satisfaction. It's selfish in a way. Because the train just goes around and around and around.
With Lucky, I have noticed something with him that no one of my past ever had.
It's beyond some people's comprehension. It's a communication type that surpasses city trains, that surpasses Union trains, that surpasses planes.
I would refer his communication to this piece of equipment, carefully designed for many years, in absolutely no rush (because imperfection is caused by rushing), but slowly constructed of the perfect materials to launch. His form of communication is a shuttle. A for transportation as to where you can see everyone left behind. You can see the stars up close and personal. He speaks beyond people's form of communication style. It is not basic. It's in depth. There is reason to each matter. There is love behind each thought out word. Though far from slow. A quick thinking/listening/speaking individual, he puts things together that seem to take others a year to find.
He digs deep. He finds he solution. And he caresses it. He feeds it. He loves it. He adores every bit of it.
I couldn't be more proud of this person. And I couldn't be more thankful to God for allowing a genuine person to walk into my life and literally sweep me off my feet.
Though is distance often, we both have one thing no one else has.
Our transportation is our Shuttle.
Meet me at the stars love, anytime you need me. I'll be there.
Love,
Your Supernova
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About Me
- Jules
- This story is about a girl that loves LOVE! Where would we be without it? I love Jesus. I love Dillon. I love dancing. I love the stars. I love singing. I love makeup & stilettos. I love fashion. I love to cook. I love photography. I love cycling, running, swimming, hiking, checking facebook friend status updates, jumping on the trampoline, going to church,I love connecting with other women who have encountered pain as I had, volunteering, watching movies, planting flowers, drawing, sewing, scrapbooking, Versa Spa, Vita-C Serum, Black finger nail polish, perfecting things. I love being totally RaNdOm! TRAVELING!!! I love sinners. I love nonbelievers. Oh the joy it brings inside this heart of mine the reaction they're going to have when they see Jesus face to face! What a party we'll have!
