confirmed!

I was just told from a great friend of mine in San Diego that "great and good men that respect marriage vows exist out there"... and I truly, deep, deep, down inside my heart...

believe it.



I can't believe how good I feel right now! Oh God... you're making life so much more beautiful then it ever has been!
I just feel good for believing again! Praise the Lord! A wall has been lifted!

A Story of Two Wolves (author unknown)

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego."

"The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

www.christchurch-ag.com

My ex has really been on my heart today after church, because of the sermon that was preached today. It was really good. I have seen people who struggle with this topic, and it's not just a choice, I believe it's a sickness.

People think addiction is something that is visibly consecutive.
Maybe for example, drugs and alcohol. Something along those lines aren't that hard to talk about. But what if the addiction exists in your mind?
When you mention Porn, it's a very uncomfortable topic.

Lust is a lie you carry, carrying on a separate life.

Fantasy VS Reality... it eventually turns into compulsive lies (as I have seen)

Sin always grows in secrecy.

If you seek God to be your Core, only you can submit your words, and your actions to Him. Seek him to forgive you of your sins whether it be from of lies or behind closed doors.
Open up to those you have hurt. If they love you, they will not turn on you. Tell them the truth. Be a new you. Be whole. Be happy.

Find a friend that will hold you accountable.
www.covenanteyes.com is a great resource to begin with.
Use the code: BRAVEHEARTS for a free 30 day trial.


1 Corinthians 10:12-13
12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! 13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.


Although my ex hurt me beyond words, we will never "be" again, but I will always pray for him.

Wish there were more hours in the day!

Then quickly changed clothes and headed out to Six Flags. Today was a blast.

Dear love,

Somewhere you're out there, maybe getting ready for bed. Maybe tuning a guitar. Maybe taking your dog for a late night walk. Maybe practicing for a game that you have tomorrow. Or maybe even just in your car nodding your head, and tapping your fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the music leaving the gym all stinky. lol.

I've been through a lot of pain this year. You may be going through the same. I don't know you're name, I've never met you, I don't know anything about you, but I'm praying for you.

One day we'll meet. I'll simply give you my name,... maybe even months later, my phone number. I'll slowly get to know you, as you get to know me.

There may be people before you and I. There may be some difficulties along the way. All I know is. I get this smile on my face knowing you will respect me like no man ever has. You will love me like no one ever has. You will show me your flaws from the beginning, and I will love them, and I will one day give you all of me. You will be lifted up always, you will feel like the luckiest man alive. And I will definitely be the luckiest girl in the world.

I want to sing to you late at night. Just to you. Scratch your head gently with my nails as I watch you fall asleep and listen to your heart as I melt into dream land of my own.

I'm not near this moment, but only God knows my heart and knows I desire to share my life with someone... and I trust Him, and am patient in His plan. It could be 2 years, it could very well be 15 or 30. But you and I will finally find the true love that is from the only one who is Love Himself.

I'm praying for your protection, your guidance, your strength, your own personal success of your goals,... and most importantly, I pray all your dreams come true.

Yours Truly,
Julie

Buy now - Pay later

This world is a "right now" kind of world.
When we want something, we want it now.

Maybe you find yourself looking to fill your creativity. Whether it be drawing, applying makeup, doing hair, singing, playing a new instrument, finding the desire to make something "happen". When I first started, I was very impatient. When I picked up the guitar, I wanted to play right then! "Jam out - play later"! It's a good thing that we get to go through the hardest part first (in most cases). Once you get over the "I want right now" need, you'll start to find things more enjoyable. When you see yourself develop, like you see a little child develop, you become proud of yourself because you see yourself growing in something you first thought couldn't possibly ever happen.

So whether it's buying something, maybe an "Oh so cool super-sized" HDTV to watch football with the guys. Sometimes, "buy now - pay later" isn't as rewarding as the patients you'd have to take a little extra time in life to save for something you want and pay it off then and there. Oh the freedom. The wonderful thing about it is... we have that choice =)

Or maybe in relationship form. Take your time. Concentrate on what you have rather then what you want, because what you want may not be what it is later on. Be patient. Love yourself. You are whole as you are.

Impatiently patient

Christmas is such a lovely time of year.

It's cold outside. You get to layer, and dress as funky or as professional as you want. Mix them both together, it's actually kind of cute.

Just the "feeling" you get in December. There's so much more giving, and less taking. I'm really looking forward to it. And though, I have not much to give. I have me to give.

Dillon should be arriving home this month. Maybe next. It's still a battle of communication, but at the same time, when I do get a hold of them, I couldn't be more thankful for the people God placed as my caseworkers. Yeah, things aren't done "on time" or the way "I'd like them to be handled", but there are a lot of things in life that didn't go according to the way "I" would like things to have gone. I trust in His plan.
I think this year, because it will literally be just me and Dillon for Christmas, there's no need to do it all alone. There's too many people out there who have even less then we do. So in return, we're going to find some organization for feasting the poor. Whatever it takes. We're going to give.

I've already been getting stuff down from the attic. Christmas stuff. I just want to skip Halloween altogether. But, I'll still find myself volunteering for the church, and watching kids from near and far smile with enjoyment as they slip their little feet out of their slip on shoes to climb up the blown-up slide, and feed their energy with yet another piece of candy. =)

I've been finding that I have this urge to start putting up Christmas lights on the house. But I don't want the neighbors to think I'm insane. So I'm impatiently being patient.

I'm still working on the words to express, so forgive me... as I'm still finding myself. It's like my feelings, patterns, trust, and words have been ripped out of my soul. I don't know how long it will take, but I'm sure it will be easier the day Dillon arrives and I tuck him in as he falls asleep in his bed for the first time.

With sooooooo much love pending,
Julie

Upping Time

The word was "before Christmas"
But now, the word is "before Thanksgiving"

I hope so!
I miss you Dillon.

Every single day, for the past 8 months, I am reminded.

Each and every morning, I already look forward to tomorrow.

It couldn't come any sooner.

To a Girl, a Friend, a Part of my Life.

You don't see an answer
You don't know why you're here
When you've been every direction
All you want is to disappear

When nothing seems to go right
And you can no longer take the pain
You're capable of handling it yourself
Then your tears fall down like rain

God, all I want is acceptance
All I want is love
All I want is to be held
All I want is a hug

Then God held me in his arms
And said He'll never let go
Just give me all your pain my dear
Trust me and then you'll know


You know just what I'm saying baby girl.
Go make your dreams comes true.
There is so much happiness along this road,
just remember "I Love You"



This is from a girl, who's had the same heartache
And everything in between
I hope you find the true beauty in you
That everyone else can see.


Your friend,
Julie

Encouragement I never expected

When I say I'm going to do something, without a question I do it.

The way I work is black and white, but rainbows when I write.

I got an e-mail from someone I've never heard of. I'm not going to say names, but this is what it read:

"Hey I just found your blog and was wondering why you would quite such a unique and beautiful thing?"
"As for the blog, can I encourage you to continue the writing and blogging.
One thing I know for sure, God gave us talents, strengths, abilities, gifts and yours is easily seen through your words and the images you paint."
"If you think about it, many writers, comedians and other creative types express their life's happiness, pain, joy, sorrow, loss, gain and experiences through words. Songs (lyrics) are an expression that gains much respect in many circles. Poems, video, movies, gosh just about anything you can think could be an effective avenue for your talents."
"I suggest you think about it for a while and let your creativity flow into areas where your words and emotions can be expressed. The blog is a really good start. Ask those who know you best what they think and do some brainstorming. You might be surprised at what might happen. God has made you to be a vehicle for showing people the way to Him. Use what has put in your hands.
I'm a big picture thinker and see potential in you. Let me know if I can help further."


I want to say thank you. I cannot express words as sit here and for the first time hear from someone who believes I can do something. My mind was wilting from all this pain of this year, and couldn't think of any other words to express. I had no feelings, no emotions. I was falling apart.

This has happened for a reason. I've been talking to a new friend. I don't "know" her or her situation, but there is pain. I also have another friend who just wrote me this morning to pray for her daughter. She was taken to the hospital and needs serious prayers. I have friends around me in Divorce Care, that can't see the meaning of life. I know how it feels... so in return I wrote this poem I am going to post next.

Thank you so much me new dear friend. I hope one day I can meet you and give you a great big hug.

Love,
Julie