Sooooooooooooooo much..... 7 Weeks Post Accident

Alright.... so what I am about to post is something that I've wondered wether I should even post or not. As you guys know, I love to write. I write a lot. I'd rather write in this blog, but as you guys have known... the truth written and really turn on you by the wicked. Sooo, here goes.

As you know, I was in a car accident. Broke my neck. And have been living under care of a church family for 7 weeks this Friday.

This family, I always looked up to. Always strived to be like them. Admired their marriage. How strong they were, and how perfectly they fit together.

7 weeks have passed, and things have not been the way they appear. Its funny because I have seen this before. People so powerful, so strong... so "committed" to actually be so much more fallen apart when you get to really truly know them.

I was on strict bed rest for 4 weeks, so I only started to REALLY get to know them around that time.

Now I know not all marriages are perfect. But something I can say positively... I am amazed that they have stuck it through for 13 years.

The last 3 weeks have been so stressful, and because it is so intense, I cannot commute this with them. All my energy has been going to the stress they ( well it's only one of them ) have been giving off, and not to my healing. Which really sucks, and I believe why I have been hurting a bit more now then usual.

She has become beyond jealous of me (which I can't stand)... She wakes up late, get's mad at me for making their kids breakfast, and even more upset when their kids ask me to do things with them... such as paint the girls nails or take both the boy and girl swimming.

Since I have been here for 7 weeks, I have only seen her put them to bed. Not much else at all. Although she does clean. I do the dishes in the evening and put them up in the morning (which is my usual routine at home). She does wash loads of clothes. Like, a day. I definately give her credit. And I have asked her of she needs help. She says no... so I just jump in anyways and fold the clothes when I see them just sitting there.

There is sooooo much more to it.

There was a discussion and she said she bends over backwards for everyone. By the level of intensity and afraid of such reaction, no one said a word.

Her husband took up for me (although it wasn't at that moment, everyone knew that things needed to be a rest for a little while). He's a very level headed guy who isn't praised for many things I've seen, who isn't trusted,.. and man that sucks.

Anyways, I am venting a bit right now. Because this is the only place I can "get away" and express my inner most feelings.

I just can't believe that someone would say they bend over backwards (when indeed they have no a clue of their surroundings and what others and bent over backwards for), and not even think for a second that the person they said this to... was the person that they "welcomed" in this house to take care of, when daily I feel like a babysitter.... UNTIL...

...I started getting love from their kids that she was not recieving because her lack of energy with them. So... I do give her props.... and although there IS tention, and she has become overly jealous... She HAS stepped up.

She fed them breakfast this morning.

I remember when I "moved in" that she mentioned they didn't even eat breakfast. I have seen them grab one of those kid bags of cheetos and eat one for breakfast. Mostly something of that nature. There has been complaints that they never have gone through so much milk until I came in the picture. I mean, I do understand there are 2 extra mouths in the household. But, hmm.

Same as when I used to tuck them in.... the girls loves that I give her a million kisses on her face. The boy loves that I wrap him up and call him my bean burrito. I guess they were enjoying it so much that the Mother no longer allows me in their room to tuck them in.

Anyways... I am a wee bit homesick. I am looking forward to this Friday. Yet another xray. And I get to find out if this neck brace is coming off. And then... my therapy begins... BUT... I'll be home.

After the ex, I have rethought marriage, and have really been focusing on myself, and have been praying about adoption. I have a strong tug at my heart to foster.

...but especially after these past 7 weeks... I'm not too sure if marriage is for me. I know my decision should not be based upon being scared out of my witts!!! But... that's exactly why I do feel that way now. Just being honest.


If you have taken the time to read all of this, thanks. =) I'm going to close for now and read my new books... One of which...

"Rose Book of Bible Charts, Maps & Time Lines"


Okay I'm back. I want to add a couple of more things. Just to vent.

So their mom isn't here. I tucked them in. Had some laughs with the boy, then tucked the girl in.... She first began by saying " Now my mommy says that you can't give me as many kisses because you need to same some for her." So I just let her talk her little heart out... She then says "Mommy says were going to Hurricane Harbor this Friday and she wants it to be just the 4 of us, and Baylie, Aunt Lauren, & Uncle Nate".

Just upsetting is all. For such a christian woman who sings on the platform at church to be so cruel and jealous because unfortunately to her, I have all the attention from.... well, everyone in the household, is unreal. She'll be in my prayers.

Love,
Julie

Twas a dream, now a scary memory.

I need your advice. For once.

I laughed because I was holding back the tears....


...When someone told me today "I wish I could go back and kick every guys a** who has hurt you".

The only reason why this comment has been made, and made by a friend who knows me well, is because I haven't been able to open up for a year and 4 months now. It is just so hard to trust. As soon as I think I'm a step ahead,... I take that next step... and pull back.

I'm not sure how to get past it. But I do know I genuinely care enough to figure this out.

I read a lot. So if anyone has any encouraging words, any book references, please shoot them my way.

I'm ready.

iPhone 4

....is coming tomorrowwwwwwwww!!!

Metro Camp 2010

Quote... I'm assuming anyways...

This kind of hit home when I read this.

"Have you ever noticed that the people you thought would be there aren't, and the people you'd never thought would be there are? Shows who's true and who isn't."

New Roommate. A Sister I won't forget.

April Edgell. A beautiful girl inside and out. We go to church together. She was more than excited to find a roommate, so I offered her my home. We have planned for a month and a half now for her to move in,... it took some time, but she finally did after she got out of the hospital. She has a lung problem and has been placed on a waiting list to receive a lung transplant.

The day she got out of the hospital (beginning of last week), We had Pastor Lance and a couple of volunteers move all her stuff it. We positioned everything to where she wanted it. It immediately felt like home to her. A home in which she hasn't had.

Because I am still recovering from the car accident, I still have not stayed home and neighbors have been taking care of my house, and my precious friend Kristal Dillon and beautiful Logan Dillon have been feeding our fish.

The storm rolled in that night she moved in. The electricity went out. And because I had to go back to where I have been staying, she decided to stay the night at Maria's (Church friend), which so happens to be a block away from where I am staying. The next day we saw the firetruck and ambulance drive by with their sirens going.

April had fallen in the shower and possibly fractured her rib cage. Luckily results came back at the hospital only showing minor bruising. But because of the condition she is in, I'm sure that's why it felt so much worse.

Last night, my roommate, my friend, the new addition to our little family, April passed away last night.

April... you will be missed. I am so happy that you are no longer in any more pain.

I love you.