I have taken an extra step to remove the actual names of who I am speaking of and put in a different name to replace it. This is an actual conversation between myself and 2 other people, though I have completely left out their identity and responses.
I couldn't put into words more perfect then your second message, second paragraph. That made me cry. I have definitely been through some hard time (as I know everyone has), but mine just doesn't seem to ever let up. Which I am not complaining, I am grateful that God trusts me with all He thinks I am capable of handling. I can understand just about everyones hurt, pain, or needs. But because I can, and the most recent disaster, my view went from wanting to help anyone and everyone... to completely hiding from anyone and everyone. They stole something that didn't belong to them! And I do not know how to get that back. I am searching and I don't know what else to do.
It is all because of Rudy's insecurities. That hit me so hard.
Here, I am going to tell yall a little story. Something that has hurt, and hurt and hurt.
I believe I started working for the Cache's early 2010. I think January or something. Cause I remember that they took me out to an Arlington Steak house on Feb 2nd, what would have been my 2 year wedding anniversary.
Alright so I DON'T dance!!! And Rudy made me get out there with Brody on the dance floor to dance. She took pictures, then I took pictures of them dancing. Blah blah. It was all innocent.
Over time, and I didn't find this out until it was too late that Cleopatra made some accusations about either me loving Brody or Brody loving me. I don't remember what exactly, but either way, when I found out I was in very much a shock. This is when I started becoming a little uncomfortable. Well, more AWARE of my surroundings then uncomfortable. My trust began to decrease one again, all over again. And this was not good after what I had been through with my ex husband.
Okay, so I was working with them. My job was to be there at 9 and I got to leave at 2pm. I had my office and was set and ready with a computer to do graphics and shirt sales, documenting everything, organizing files, printing up sales reciepts for customers files and another for Rudy's files, which I guess were for Tax purposes.
I was normally the first one to arrive. For awhile Rudy would make coffee, do things around the office and they'd all end up in their own offices.
Well, after some time we all were assigned to doing different things. Since I was usually the first to arrive before anyone, I was to make coffee so it would be ready for when everyone arrives and to do the trash, I believe every Thursday. I can't remember the day cause I am getting confused right now with my home trash day. (After some time, began to feel uneasy about making the coffee from how I felt I was being treated)
Okay, so it was MANDATORY that Cleopatra were to arrive before Brody got to the office so it wouldn't be us 2 in the office building. This part completely throws me off because in MY PERSPECTIVE,... if a person were to make accusations and be so offended by something that really they do not know exists, then WHY LEAVE THOSE TWO PEOPLE ALONE?????
That, I will NEVER understand!
So, whatever Cleopatra said to Rudy I will never know. But whatever it was it really grew and grew and grew in Rudy. But I only noticed it after the accident (because supposedly, this gossip began prior). The accident which was May 7th, 2010. They were what I THOUGHT was family. Or at least the closest to family that I had. Since I do not have family here,... I have a very soft heart for those who are along... and even more so now
Anyways, I broke my neck and they took me and Dillon in. They cleared out their spare room, which was a play room for the kids at the time.
I was on bed rest for several weeks. I remember Brody telling me that he would come in to give me Meds every, geez I don't remember how many hours, but I'd get woken up to take them, then I'd fall right back asleep. I do though remember getting sick several times because of the meds, but that's about it. It took several days if not a week before I could get up to really eat anything other then crackers. But wouldn't be up for long until the meds would knock me right back out again.
Okay, so ANOTHER thing I do not get... if there were such mysteries,... why didn't Rudy just bring my my meds??? I don't get it. None of it!
So accusations began, and built and built and built. I'm sure you can only guess as to what those accusations would be!
It had got so bad that she began to change what I was wearing. She even insisted on taking me shopping (which of course I wasn't going to say no to) but then to get there and she was picking out the clothes I should and should not wear is when I felt like I was being changed.
I watched their kids a lot. He was out doing business stuff, she was doing laundry and computer stuff. After so much time with their kids, well of course they would begin to build a bond with me. When her daughter asked me to paint her nails one time, she scarcely cut us off. I was not to paint her nails again without her permission. And she was not allowed to ask if I could go in her room before bedtime and tell her goodnight. I then, did not feel like a sister... though I still fought for that. She was now so caught up about me being a threat or competing with her.
In no way do I compete with anyone but myself. I have very high expectations of myself. And because of that, I believe that is why she told me even to my face on the drive down to Lakeview. I even recorded the entire conversation that no one knows I have.
According to a conversation that they 2 had in front of me, they had been having marital issues for 6 months prior me ever coming along. And I am SURE that me, being a pretty single lady (my friend defines it as) was just gas being thrown on a fire. Now I don't know what all happened during that 6 months of hell for them, but I know they were struggling to find a location to put "Ministry" in, when they were going to buy a church building and it fell out from underneath them.
Anyways,... I remember a time at camp when just the leaders were there in that one open building. I cannot remember what the mini sermon was about but it was a tear jerking one. I remember that when they were closing they asked for whoever needed to let something go... I started crying. Cause all I could think of was my ex husband. I still hurt and had not let him go. I don't even know if I have to this day. Anyways... Cleopatra came to me and stood in front of me. I started bawling even more. She held me in her arms and said something... I can't remember exactly what it was but I felt a very bad spirit and immediately knew what she was praying over me! And it wasn't on behalf of my husband.
Things grew and grew and grew. If you only knew how excruciating each and every single day was.
I refused to take it any longer, and I put in my notice effective immediately -when it got so far out of control that I couldn't take it anymore-.
Brody talked to Rudy, I don't know what they talked about, but he convinced me to stay. So I did. But it didn't last long.
I found the job in which I am with now, and left -them after 2 weeks, no notice-.
I thought things would get better if I werent so much in the picture. But that was just me and my silly hopes and dreams. They didn't get better.
I tried to reach Candy. She seemed very defensive over the phone. She interpreted something that Rudy eventually told me.. that I was in love with Brody and Brody was in love with me, and Rudy is getting in the way. Honestly, that made me very upset. Cause I tried to go to her about a problem and for her to help fix a problem, yet that is what she "interpreted"??? That disgusts me. If she had any feelings such as this, I would have hoped that she would have called me back and asked me to meet in her office. Yet, the communication was dead.
It had been some time. And I had been doing just fine, still hurt from the whole experience, but at least there was no more drama in my life. By this time, I had already taken Dillon out of TESA in which he shared with Grabby & Brody Jr., back to a public school and I dropped from attending CC services out of no more respect I had left for the leadership within CC.
Several months had passed when one morning I woke suddenly by a noise. It was Brody standing at the end of my bed. Not until later did I remember that Brody and Rudy had complete control of everything during my down time. That he made and extra key for Kaitlynn to feed my fish every other day. He tried to force himself on me. He soon left with my threats against him. I contact my friend Serinity immediately and told her everything. She told me I needed to contact pastor immediately. I already knew before even praying that contacting him would do no good. Because I knew how his wife reacted, I know there was no hope in getting any help from pastor. And guess what? I wrote him a few days later after I had been praying and got the go ahead from God to write him. I did what I needed to do. Yet, I knew he wouldn't respond. And that is exactly what happened. He didn't respond.
-This is not including the time where I was being followed out of the church parking lot!-
This is why I am deathly afraid of people. This is why I have such protective neighbors now. This is why I have a loaded handgun in my possession. This is why I want to get my CHL. I don't trust a soul. I used to. And I used to love everyone. Now I am afraid of people. I am so scared. Explains why I have had such problems even associating with people in the church. Because the people I have dealt this have been the fakest of the fake. People who pretend to be one thing on stage, yet not even a follower of Christ outside of church.
__, I have never ever felt hate in my life until this. And can admit that I do have hate towards those people. What they did to my life, how they changed it, and what they present themselves to be.
I know this was a very very long message, and you of very few know this whole story,... but this is it. This is why I am the way I am today. This is why I hate the accident. Not because I broke my neck. Because THEY took me in.
I forgot to mention the time that Candy told me that "You are not family if you are not blood". That very moment is when made me realize to not step back on their premises for any sermons. Because in my mind, with no "family" in sight... that is all I have to believe in. That the church was my family.
You may have seen a funny time in Candy and pastors posts where they started uplifting the church "family". That was the reason. I believe in my heart that she realized what she said was wrong. -and if not... blind. I'd HOPE to believe there is a LITTLE humility.- I don't have a problem with people being wrong at all, but I do have a problem when people do not admit them.
That really screwed with my mind. Now thinking... no church can be family, cause in order to be family, you must be blood. Now I know better then that, but still those words were so painful, I will never forget, and with what I went through with my husband and his "blood family",.. I am now scared to get involved with any church, and guy, any anything!
-Especially to settle down with anyone. I thought at first, what a great example of marriage these two people show. But behind closed doors,... this is what I do NOT want. I NEVER want to get married again if this is what marriage is like."
I hate that someone would turn their spouse to another person! And why me? I mean, I've had ENOUGH in this life to deal with! Although I think she was oblivious as to what she was doing only because they all (whole family) has a "know it all" personality. So no one listens to anyones anything. So no matter how many times you can tell a person no no no no,.. they surely DON'T get it! So thanks "Brody & Rudy" for breaking the straw on the camels back. Are you happy now that you tried to make your wish come true? Are you happy that you have a ministry that HURTS people who love you??? After what I have seen and experienced, you do not deserve to get tithed to! If only everyone KNEW what you were doing with peoples tithes! It will not be a secret much longer.
I am so glad neither of you are my God. This world would be a complete and total disaster.
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