Michael Phelps & Josh Hamilton's BIGGEST fan!

Dillon "Zander" Highland

Guess I was kinda thinking about JRH tonight. :\

Marriage

As most people now have Pinterest accounts, or... maybe at least girls,.. you would know that there are a LOT of pins having to do with weddings. Looking back on the times... ...in my life,.. us girls have gone to numerous weddings in our life. From young to old,... in love or in pain,.. we still view them as such beautiful events. And in the back of our minds we revert back to our childhood imagining the glitz and glamour, rose pedals, makeup, and princess dresses that we imagine ourselves being in. We imagine the love filled through the air, and prince charming waiting to rescue our hearts at the end of our long-painful journey. Rescuing us from all the outside forces of nature, words and tears that come from this world. We go into a marriage, as women, not even expecting, but just KNOWING the fact that our husband will never ever let us down. That even his failures are just events we will kiss and hold close to our heart, as we take out our heart and physically give it to him. Marriage is such a beautiful thing. And as years and years have passed and are passing by ever so quickly, as a girl, in her fantasy world,.. the one wedding I ever had, couldn't have been more... perfect. Maybe we weren't perfect individually. But somehow God chose us to unite. Though our could may always be combined as one, a marriage I've always dreamt about,... through goodness and through bad, through sickness and through health,... we failed. I will be honest and tell you that there are moments that cross my mind and make me think of him. That no matter how much he hated me, I will still always love him. No matter what ever happened, in my ever so confused nature along with my knowledge if's,... I've tried to move on. But other than my son, no one has ever had my heart and love like he has. I looked through an old digital camera yesterday. Uploaded the pictures to my computer. I smile from the special moments we once shared. And though there was so much pain, and the pain that still exists, I as well had so many wonderful experiences. Some that just no one can compare to. I would lie if I said I don't miss him holding me at night. I would lie if I said I didn't miss how much he sweated at the gym. I would lie if I said that some of those little dumb things that he did that just got under my skin, that I never spoke of,.. how I'd wish for those things to creep under my skin now. Just to smile. And know,... that no matter what happened during the day, all things faded away as soon as he simply looked me in the eyes. How the very last time I saw his eyes, they were not the same. How much I just wanted to reach so deep inside of him and shake his heart. And how I wanted him to shake mine at the same time. Just for both of us to know that we were not perfect individually, but we were perfect together. At least I thought so. Maybe it was just me... ...that wanted forever. Maybe I was fooling myself. Maybe the mom and dad I always wanted were same mom and dad as my own. Maybe in my own little world I thought things could truly hold together. Break at times, yes,.. but not fully come apart. Had I known branches snapped. Had I known what to have done. Had I known how to be perfect. I would have been. I never got the chance to be..."her". The girl I had always dreamed about being. The girl,... he would always be true to.

Someone asked me today if I knew you. A million memories flashed through my head, but I just smiled and said "I used to".

FOUR DILLONS?

This is really how I feel sometimes! Mom, over here, no here, no here, right here! lol!!!